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43 Fictional Characters We Wish Were In The Olympics

*Katniss walks up to the podium*

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1. John Rambo

TriStar Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Rambo: First Blood Part II

Olympic Credentials: Deadly with a compound bow. Former Special Forces member in Vietnam. Anti-establishment. Suffers from serious PTSD. Reckless. Endless motivation for revenge.

3. Bushwood Country Club Caddies

Warner Bros.

Movie or TV Show: Caddyshack

Olympic Credentials: Permitted to swim at the Bushwood Country Club pool one day per year, between 1:00 and 1:15 p.m. Imagine what they could have done with more practice?


4. Billy Hoyle and Sidney Deane

20th Century Fox

Movie or TV Show: White Men Can't Jump

Olympic Credentials: Champions of the 1992 Brotherhood 2-on-2 Tournament. Unique and highly combustible teammate dynamic. Hustlers. Would probably lose gold medal in a bet.

5. Jamal Wallace

Columbia Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Finding Forrester

Olympic Credentials: Star shooting guard at NYC's prestigious Mailor Academy. Fierce competitor. Great slasher who can score in bunches. Enjoys reading and writing in his free time. Once hit 50 straight free throws. Smarter than you.

6. John Tucker

20th Century Fox

Movie or TV Show: John Tucker Must Die

Olympic Credentials: Everybody's All-American. Natural leader. The only known human to perform a front-flip dunk without the aid of a trampoline.


8. Forrest Gump

Paramount Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Forrest Gump

Olympic Credentials: War hero. All-American kick returner at the University of Alabama. Once ran for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 16 hours.

9. Lucas McNamara

Universal Pictures

Movie or TV Show: The Skulls

Olympic Credentials: Captain of the four-time Ivy League Champion Yale crew team. Member of the Skull and Bones Society. Possesses the skills of a misspent youth.


10. Hoops McCann

Warner Bros.

Movie or TV Show: One Crazy Summer

Olympic Credentials: Led a ragtag crew of misfits to a victory over a bunch of douches in a sailing tournament in Nantucket.

11. Waco Kid

Warner Bros.

Movie or TV Show: Blazing Saddles

Olympic Credentials: He has a bit of an alcohol problem, but he has the best shot in the West, and he can ride a horse. I'm sure he can figure out the fencing, running, and swimming parts.


14. Bob Lee Swagger


Movie of TV Show: Shooter

Olympic Qualifications: Retired US Marine Corps Force Recon gunnery sergeant and scout sniper. Can kill from over a mile away. Fueled by vengeance.

15. Cole (Extreme Sports Punk)

New Line Cinema / Warner Bros.

Movie or TV Show: Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Olympic Credentials: Poster boy for Mountain Dew. Once kayaked on top of the snack aisle in a convenience store.

16. Thornton Melon

Orion Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Back to School

Olympic Credentials: Only known man to complete the "Triple Lindy" and survive to tell the tale. Employed Kurt Vonnegut Jr. to write his English papers.

19. Frank Ricard


Movie or TV Show: Old School

Olympic Credentials: Has a car that isn't exactly "street legal." Dangerous alter ego. Virtuosic debater and lovely rhythmic gymnast.

24. Viola Hastings


Movie or TV Show: She's the Man

Olympic Qualifications: Master of disguise. Will do anything to get on the field. Determined. Better than her male counterparts.

25. Aaron Williams

HBO Films.

Movie or TV Show: 7 Days in Hell

Olympic Qualifications: Brother of Venus and Serena Williams. Once had a threesome on the Wimbledon main court. Volatile, yet a once-in-a-generation talent.

26. Greg Focker

Universal Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Meet the Parents

Olympic Qualifications: Only has experience with pool volleyball, but showed a fierce competitive streak that would translate well in the pool.

27. Pete "Maverick" Mitchell and Nick "Goose" Bradshaw

Paramount Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Top Gun

Olympic Qualifications: As dangerous as they come on the beach. Perfect combination of power and finesse.

31. Ron Burgundy


Movie or TV Show: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Olympic Qualifications: I don’t know if you heard him counting, but he can do over a thousand curls.

32. Jake Fischer

Buena Vista Pictures

Movie or TV Show: The Guardian

Olympic Qualifications: Former all-state swimmer. Owns every single record at United States Coast Guard's Aviation Survival Technician program.

34. Adonis Johnson

Universal Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Creed

Olympic Qualifications: Famous father. Strong desire to prove himself. Talented, but hasn't reached his potential. Trained in Philadelpia by some guy who speaks funny.

35. Happy Gilmore

Universal Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Happy Gilmore

Olympic Qualifications: Failed hockey player who discovered golf. Longest hitter on tour by a mile. Still developing a short game. Mentally unstable. Tried to stab someone with an ice skate. Killed an alligator.

36. Roy "Tin Cup" McAvoy

Warner Bros.

Movie or TV Show: Tin Cup

Olympic Qualifications: Once qualified for the U.S. Open with just a 7-iron. Stubborn, yet immensely talented. Has a habit of losing his cool on the course. Record-holder for lowest round at a major with a 62.

37. Shooter McGavin

Universal Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Happy Gilmore

Olympic Qualifications: Best player on the tour. Complete piece of shit. Continually thinks it's "Shooter's turn." That's the kind of blind confidence you need in an Olympian.

39. Purple Cobras

20th Century Fox

Movie or TV Show: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Olympic Qualifications: Okay, they lost the dodgeball championship in 2004, but let's be real: They were still the better team. Loaded with talent and athleticism. Possible users of performance-enhancing drugs. Questionable leadership.

40. Serena van der Woodsen & Blair Waldorf

Warner Brothers Television

Movie or TV Show: Gossip Girl

Olympic Qualifications: Um, they're literally the only two fictional field hockey players I could find. Fight too much on the field. Control issues. Play to win.

42. Eric Taylor and Tim Riggins

NBCU Television

Movie or TV Show: Friday Night Lights

Olympic Qualifications: Inspiring speeches. Boundless loyalty. Great hair. Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.

43. Forrest Gump

Paramount Pictures

Movie or TV Show: Forrest Gump

Olympic Qualifications: Member of the U.S. Army table tennis team in World War II. Faced China on during a goodwill tour. Keeps his eye on the ball.


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