71 Thoughts You Have When You’re Waiting To Pee

When two minutes can feel like a decade.


1. Ugh.
2. I really hope there’s no line.
3. Of course there’s a line.
4. Wasn’t I here 10 minutes ago?
5. I have the smallest bladder.
6. This is starting to be a problem.
7. I didn’t need that fourth cup of coffee/beer/soda/juice.
8. You can’t die from holding it in too long can you?
9. I should probably see a doctor.
10. Oh right, that’s kidney stones…
11. WAIT that sounds terrible.
12. I’m probably missing out on something cool right now.
13. I wonder if my friends are talking about me?
14. Oh god.
15. My friends definitely hate me.
16. This is taking years off my life.
17. What are they fucking doing in there?
18. Should I knock?
19. Nah, I’ll look like an asshole.
20. I’ll look like a bigger asshole if no one is in there.
21. OK, I’ll knock lightly so they know I’m here.
22. Maybe they didn’t hear it. I’ll knock louder.
23. OK, NOW I’m an asshole.
24. Shit, I might piss myself.
25. Should I just piss myself?
26. That would probably be nice and warm.
27. Babies do it.
28. But then I’d have to do laundry.
29. I probably have to do laundry anyway.
30. Fuck that. I can hold it.
31. Who’s this asshole trying to cut the line?
32. I’ll stab anyone that skips the line.
33. I’ve never seen an attractive person wait in line for the bathroom.
34. Now that I think about it I’ve never seen an attractive person in line for anything.
35. I bet Sting never has to use the bathroom.
36. I feel like I’m going to explode.

37. Please no one talk to me.
38. Stop thinking about TLC’s “Waterfalls.”
39. That’s a dope song though.
40. Maybe I’ll just go pee outside in an alley.
41. Why don’t more people pee outside. Dogs do it.
42. Never mind I can’t afford getting a ticket.
43. Why did I wear a belt today?
44. Is it socially acceptable to unbutton my pants while I wait?
45. Why can’t I just ignore it like when I have to poop?
46. Don’t fart. Don’t fart. Don’t fart.
47. This place needs more bathrooms.
48. What the fuck is wrong with this person?
50. What’s taking so long?
51. Did someone die in there?
52. There should be separate lines for pooping and peeing.
53. I bet hell is just a really long bathroom line.
54. Was that a flush?
55. Seriously, is anyone in there?
56. Waiting for things should be illegal.
57. This is getting awkward.
58. I feel like crying.
59. Wait, I am crying.
60. [ponders every failure in life]
61. Pull yourself together.
62. I’ve only been here for 3 minutes?!?!?!
63. OK, that was definitely a flush.
65. How long can someone wash his or her hands for?
67. I’m gonna give this person a piece of my mind.
68. Maybe, I’ll just give them the stink eye.
69. The people behind me are so lucky I’m a pro pisser.
70. This is gonna be the best 12 seconds of my life.
71. Ahhhhhhh.

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