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Posted on Jan 8, 2014

30 Times You Wanted To Smack The Smug Off The New England Patriots' Faces

These freakin' guys.

1. Any time Bob Kraft mentioned "The Patriots Way."

The classiest organization in sports. They're great judges of character. They do everything right. Winning isn't the most important thing to the Patriots — it's all about sportsmanship and building a better community.

2. Every time their best player was "the NFL rulebook."

Rob Carr / Getty

If you're a defensive player you can't come within 15 yards of the quarterback's legs because Tom Brady once hurt his knee. Oh yeah, remember the "Tuck Rule"? Well, that no longer exists, but only after the Patriots won a Super Bowl because of it.

3. When they cheated.

Jared Wickerham / Getty

They secretly videotaped opponents' practices. The Patriots were fined $250,000 and lost one first-round draft pick, while Belichick himself was $500,000. This is something that happened. But you'll almost never see a pundit or writer mention "cheating" as a reason the team is so perennially successful.

4. When they acted like they knew something no one else did and signed Tim Tebow.

Jared Wickerham / Getty


5. When Tom Brady smirked in this picture with Adriana Lima, who is his wife's co-worker.

Evan Agostini / Getty

Show some respect, Brady.

6. When Tommy Tissues cried about slipping in the draft.

You're considered one of the greatest quarterbacks in NFL history. You have won three Super Bowls and played in five. You are married to the richest underwear model that has ever walked the face of the earth. You have a house with a moat. No one feels bad for you.

7. When he managed to get away with all these hairstyles unscathed.

Elsa / Getty
Elsa / Getty
Elsa / Getty

8. When he went to the Kentucky Derby...and won more money.

Michael Hickey / WireImage

Like he needs it.

9. When he celebrated like a fifth-grader.

10. When he wore this:


11. When he said this:

Elsa / Getty

12. When Bob Kraft accused Vladimir Putin of stealing his Super Bowl ring.

View this video on YouTube

13. When Bob Kraft goes out with his actress girlfriend.

Jamie McCarthy / Getty

Ricki Noel Lander's "acting" credits include "Flight Attendant" in Iron Man and "Model" in the TV show Ugly Betty.

14. When Bob Kraft posed with Pharrell, Bon Jovi, and Jay Z like he was some sort of cool guy.

Shahar Azran / WireImage
Kevin Mazur / WireImage

Mr. Cool Kraft.

15. When Wes Welker made a bunch of smart-ass foot references to make fun of Rex Ryan.

View this video on YouTube

This is America, and if Rex Ryan wants to make foot fetish videos, he damn well ought to be able to do it without taking any guff from some smart-ass slot receiver.

16. When Bill Belichick just couldn't believe the call didn't go his way.


17. When Bill Belichick had a press conference.

Elsa / Getty
Jessica Rinaldi / Reuters

Also known as "The Least Exciting Five Minutes in Sports or Anything Else."

18. When someone from the famed Belichick coaching tree got a head coaching job.

Seriously, all you have to do is piss in the urinal next to Belichick at a rest stop on the Mass Pike and you too can be an NFL head coach.

19. When Bill Belichick shook hands like this:

Matt Sullivan / Getty

Eric Mangini was a defensive coordinator for the Patriots under Belichick and the whistle-blower in the "Spygate" debacle. So it's understandable that there are hard feelings between the two. However, it's not that hard to shake someone's hand.

20. When you remembered Bill Belichick is a former lacrosse player.

Photo courtesy of Wesleyan University

Nothing against lacrosse players, but it's easily America's smuggest sport.

21. When Aaron Hernandez confused being tried for murder for a Comedy Central roast.

Brian Snyder / AP
Matt Stone / REUTERS
Matt Stone / REUTERS

Aaron Hernandez may have murdered half the Northeast, but he can still crack a smile!

22. When they celebrated a 2011 victory over the Jets with grace and dignity.

23. When they joked about Red Sox players being short.

They have two World Series titles since your last Super Bowl win, guys. What have you done for Boston lately?

24. When they decided to drop-kick.

This is a slap in the face.

25. When they decided to quick-kick.

This is a backhand to the face.

26. When they made a kicker into a effing kicker.

Kevin Winter / Getty

Adam Vinatieri does have two Super Bowl game-winning kicks and has been arguably the most consistent kicker in the NFL for a decade and a half — not knocking his accomplishments at all. But at the same time, he's a kicker.

27. When Gronk posed shirtless with a porn star wearing his jersey.

Twitter: @_BiBiJones

Flaunting is so gauche.

28. When Tom Brady appeared in this Uggs commercial and gave a man slippers.

View this video on YouTube

29. When this asshole wore his rings out on the town.

Mark Mainz / Getty

I'm convinced Getty edited his middle finger out of this photo.

30. And whenever your favorite team had to play them.

Mike Ehrmann / Getty
Elsa / Getty

And that's the worst thing about the Patriots. No matter how much you want them to get what's coming to them, you have to admit it: They're good, and they're not going away.

CORRECTION: The Patriots franchise was only fined $250,000 and forfeited one first-round draft pick for their involvement in "Spygate," while Bill Belichick was was also fined $500,000 — the NFL maximum.