Skip To Content
  • Olympics badge
Posted on Jul 31, 2012

24 Fictional Movie Characters With Undeniable Olympic Potential

Athletes in London are lucky they aren't competing against these big screen legends.

Rowing - Lucas McNamara - "The Skulls"

Captain of the 4-time Ivy League Champion Yale crew team. Member of the Skull and Bones Society. Possesses the skills of a misspent youth.

Sailing - Charlie St. Cloud - "Charlie St. Cloud"

Recipient of a full scholarship to Stanford for sailing. Bad driver of automobiles.

Shooting - Bob Lee Swagger - "Shooter"

Retired US Marine Corps Force Recon Gunnery Sergeant and Scout Sniper. Can kill from over a mile away. Fueled by vengeance.

Archery - Legolas - "The Lord of the Rings"

Elf warrior who enjoys killing Orcs with his dwarf buddy, Gimli. Over 2000 years old.

Judo - Barry Gabrewski - "Sidekicks"

Wild imagination. Unhealthy obsession with Chuck Norris.

Canoe/Kayaking - Cole (Extreme Sports Punk) - "Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle"

Poster boy for Mountain Dew. Racist.

Synchronized Swimming - Bushwood Country Club Caddies - "Caddyshack"

Permitted to swim at the Bushwood Country Club pool one day per year, between 1:00 and 1:15 pm. Imagine what they could have done with more practice?

Diving - Thornton Melon - "Back to School"

Only known man to complete the 'Triple Lindy' and survive to tell the tale. Employed Kurt Vonnegut Jr. to write his English papers.

10,000 Meter - Paulie Bleeker - "Juno"

Producer of strong sperm. Amateur acoustic guitar player.

Gymnastics - Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell - "Old School"

Owns six Speaker Cities. Worth $3.5 million that the government knows about.

Taekwondo - Fred Simmons - "The Foot Fist Way"

Fourth-degree black belt. Cuckold. Not Kenny Powers

Javelin - Lamar Latrell - "Revenge of the Nerds"

Distinguished member of the Lambda Lambda Lambda fraternity. Rapper. Hero.

(Arm) Wrestling - Lincoln Hawk - "Over the Top"

Truck driver. Absent father. Herculean forearms.

Boxing - Jake Huard - "Annapolis"

Who would dare punch that face!

Tennis - Richie Tenenbaum - "The Royal Tenenbaums"

Former tennis prodigy. Harbors inappropriate feelings for his sister.

Table Tennis - Forrest Gump - "Forrest Gump"

All-American football player. Congressional Medal of Honor winner. Shrimp boat captain. Mama's boy.

Badminton - Darcy - "Something Borrowed"

Flawless wine drinking technique. Loose morals. Salt N' Pepa fan.

Rugby - Colin Sullivan - "The Departed"

Dislikes the fire department. Trustworthy. Loyal.

Football - Juan Morales - "The Big Green"

Texas youth soccer superstar. Illegal alien. Friend of Steve Guttenberg.

Basketball - Antoine Tyler - "The Sixth Man"

Restless soul. NCAA champion. Minor injury problems.

Volleyball - Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell - "Top Gun"


Cycling - Dave Stoller - "Breaking Away"

Admirer of Italian culture. Slightly disillusioned.

Fencing - Inigo Montoya - "The Princess Bride"

Repetitive. Someone foolishly killed his father, they should prepare to die.

Weightlifting - Ron Burgundy - "Anchorman"

I don't know if you heard him counting, but he can do over a thousand curls.