19 Of The Year’s Most Dubious Scientific Studies

The following is the result of real research and analysis. Face meet palm.

1. Watching pornography could make men better weightlifters.

Lars Baron / Getty Images

It can also cause computer viruses and extreme loneliness.

Watching pornography ‘could make men better weightlifters’ study says

2. Drinking large quanties of beer is good for you.

All your binge drinking is totally gonna pay off in the end. Livers are stupid.

Beer is good for you: study finds that suds contain anti-viral powers

3. People are attracted to badasses because badasses are super stylish.

By this definition Nicolas Cage is the most attractive person in the world. Oh, wait this one could be true…

Study Suggests That People Are Attracted to Badasses Because Badasses Are Super Stylish

4. Female pornstars are happier than other women.

How can we be sure they’re not faking it?

Female Porn Stars Are Happier Than Other Women? Go Science!

5. Scientists finally figure out “cool.”

Mike Coppola / Getty Images

An argument between two psychologists over the “coolness” of Steve Buscemi resulted in a scientific study on the essence of cool. I’m not kidding.

Scientists crack the code over what makes us cool…and it isn’t what you might think

7. Men prefer flings with dumb-looking women.

Especially if they don’t know how to operate a telephone.

Why men like ‘dumb-looking’ women: Gentlemen prefer flings with airheads… but not marriage

9. Scientists can tell whether you’re gay or straight based on eye dialation.

So that’s why we shouldn’t stare at the sun too long?

It’s all in the eyes! Scientists can tell whether someone is straight or gay by studying optical reflexes

10. Research shows that rich people lie and cheat a lot.

Mario Tama / Getty Images

And we needed a study to prove this?

New Scientific Study Shows Rich People Cheat and Lie A Lot

11. Four or more cups of coffee per day fights off cancer.

So the twitching and inability to focus is a good thing?

Caffeinated Coffee: The Anti-Cancer Wonder Drug

12. Eating egg yolks is as bad as smoking.

Second-hand egg-yolk eating is the U.S.’s biggest killer.

Eating egg yolks as ‘bad as smoking’

14. Investment banking can be bad for your health.

Immortality doesn’t stem from huge Christmas bonuses, impossibly long hours and four steak dinners per week?

Investment banking can be dangerous for health, study shows

15. “Cat ladies” are more likey to commit suicide.

Bullshit. If BuzzFeed has proved one thing it’s that cute cats bring happiness into all our lives.

‘Cat ladies’ more likely to commit suicide, scientists claim

16. Power walking reduces the risk of having a heart attack in half.

What about regular walking? Jogging? Running? Moderate exercise in general?

Daily ‘power walk’ can halve heart attack risk

17. Giving blowjobs make women happier and more intelligent.

I’ve actually read this somewhere.

Giving ‘blow jobs make women happier’ - semen promotes ‘mental well-being’ says study

18. Eating chocolate may help you win the Nobel Prize.

All my best ideas come after Halloween and Easter.

Secret to Winning a Nobel Prize? Eat More Chocolate

19. Women don’t like beards.

Andreas Rentz / Getty Images

Yea, okay. Ryan is confused with that one too.

Women REALLY don’t like beards: And they also make men seem older and more aggressive, say psychologists

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