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So, You've Been Diagnosed With Autism Spectrum Disorder

34 year old man finds out he WAS different all along and you will never guess what happened next

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Well, nothing so far if I am honest.

I have been a depressed person all my life and haven't taken the illness seriously until this last year. I used to blame myself for being depressed, and when I wasn't blaming myself, I was contemplating and planning suicide. Or even better someone/thing doing it for me, as I am a massive pussy.

Because of me taking this seriously I have been writing a lot about my life and the way I feel about things, which prompted my GP to refer me to a psychiatrist and a therapist who I have been seeing regularly since last year.

I just never felt I belonged in this world, part of the reason I was suicidal all the time, and wanted to live in the 50's or 60's in the Mafia heyday.

The Mafia being one of my many obsessions, which currently include ridiculous time management practices (see photos – I currently have a synced calendar, a wall planner, and every morning I wake up and immediately write my list of hand jobs, taken from the notebook I have on my phone of long term and short term jobs – I even plan meals in advance and if that changes from Spaghetti Bolognese to chicken, I feel angry and lost and need to leave the room, even though I bloody love chicken!), wrestling, certain TV shows, serial killer documentaries and watching the same YouTube videos over and over.

My childhood obsessions were mostly football related, including turning everything from dominoes, to action dolls, to my fingers into footballers and acting out games. I then had a dice related game that I played all the time – loved it, and the data capturing of the time.

After several sessions and speaking to people around me now, and those I grew up with, my psychiatrist diagnosed me a week ago as being ASD at the high functioning end, and Aspergers Syndrome – a term that will slowly be phased out, and we will all just be ASD at different parts of the spectrum.

Nobody has treated me any differently so far, which is nice, but mainly because nobody is surprised. I, myself, have spent the last week thinking about everything I have ever said, done or thought and linking it back to ASD, and it is helping me accept and understand myself a bit better, which will hopefully help my depression as I won't blame EVERY LITTLE THING on myself.

The best thing about this though is I will begin to deal with the things I find hard in the current world, namely:

*social interaction difficulty
*dealing with change
*having to leave room if we have unexpected visitors
*having to practice conversations in advance
*poor eye contact
*unusual facial expressions and reactions (sneezing, yawning etc)
*obsessions with interests and strict time management
*limited interests

And worst of all, alcohol dependency to make me seem less "weird" to neurotypicals.

So, nothing much has happened yet, but looking forward to feeling better about being Ross Leslie.

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