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Which British Monarch Are You?

From William the Conqueror to Elizabeth II, some colorful and varied personalities have sat on the British throne. Which one is most like yours?

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  1. So you've just landed a kingdom. What do you do?

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    Buy everything you ever imagined!
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    Stamp out anyone who can threaten your rule.
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    Ask around for advice.
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    Let's get some more kingdom!
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    Get straight to work.
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    Too busy fighting!
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    Meh. Your old place was better.
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    NOOO I DON'T WANT IT
  2. What's the best way to get a kingdom?

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    You have to fight for it.
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    You have to be born to it.
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    The people have to want you to have it.
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    You have to be the best person for the job.
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    You should accept out of duty.
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    You have to kill for it.
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    You have to wait for it.
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    You should marry into it.
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    You should take it if it's right for the country.
  3. How much do you trust your friends?

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    My friends are the bee's knees! They deserve everything, and I'm gonna give it to them!
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    My friends are great. Sometimes I don't know what to do, so I let them make the hard decisions for me.
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    My friends keep me grounded and remind me I'm just a regular guy underneath.
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    My friends are great - until they cross me.
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    Friends are useful tools to maintain control and weed out opposition.
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    My friends are mostly "with benefits".
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    Friends? I have allies.
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    Friends suck!
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    Friends?
  4. What's the most important part of being a monarch?

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    Conserving your own power.
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    Gaining territory.
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    Setting a moral example for your people.
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    Cultivating culture and appreciating history.
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    Defending your kingdom.
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    Defending your religion.
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    Ensuring the succession.
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    Making the monarchy a symbol of courtliness and power.
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    PARTY TIMES
  5. How are we on finances?

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    Money should be for emergencies only. Heck, I even save on clothes and firewood.
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    When I was a kid I had next to nothing, but now I'm a monarch, so now I can buy whatever I want! Money is endless!
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    Spend money to make the monarchy splendid, to defend the country, and to ensure loyalty, NOT on costly wars.
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    I have a lot of money, but that guy also has money. I think I deserve it more than him. I need it for my wars.
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    Money is to be used in defence of the kingdom.
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    Money is just money. Things are just things. Surely there's something more important in this world.
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    Money is for building monuments and commissioning artworks. A kingdom's culture is its soul.
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    Money is for fightin' France.
  6. What was your childhood like?

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    I had a lot expected of me from a very young age.
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    I was always in the shadow of my older siblings.
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    My parents fought a lot.
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    I may have been a little spoiled.
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    I was kind of a slacker and a partier, but I grew out of it.
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    I was a slacker and a partier, and I never grew out of it!
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    I didn't get a lot of attention from my parents.
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    My parents always made sure I got lots of love and attention.
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    My parents wanted me to play sports and get out more, but I just liked to read.
  7. How are we at politics?

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    My way or the highway.
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    Try to keep everyone happy - and in your power.
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    I sincerely believe I'm always right, so anyone who disagrees is a traitor.
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    I'm better at it then people think.
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    I try to leave the politics to someone else.
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    That's for boring people. I like to have fun!
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    I'm too busy fightin' for that stuff.
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    I tend to end up with everyone mad at me.
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    The sovereign needs to be above politics.
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    The only sure politics is a poisoned cup.
  8. Religion?

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    The most important thing in my life.
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    Good excuse to go lop off heads!
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    Piss on it if it means I can't marry who I want!
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    Important, because God has chosen me above all others.
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    Important, because the people need a God-given leader.
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    Between me, my subjects, and God.
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    It's important for subjects to have the Word of God in their own lives.
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    Whatever keeps the people happy.
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    I like a religion that likes me.
  9. Why are we at war?

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    I had a lot of stuff, but that country over there had some more stuff.
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    I've pissed off somebody (probably a Pope.)
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    My people have risen against me.
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    War is a good time!
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    The nation is under attack.
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    I mayyy have usurped the throne.
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    I definitely usurped the throne.
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    Dunno, but it's not my fault.
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    Everyone (but EVERYONE) hates me.
  10. Someone's invading your country! What do you do?

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    Put all your money into fortresses.
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    Ask them to go away, please.
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    Wait until we're SURE it's an invasion. Then kick butt.
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    Set an example of firmness and bravery for your people.
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    Go and challenge them personally, relying on your charisma to turn them away.
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    Fight the good fight for as long as possible, then save yourself.
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    Give them what they want; sounds like they want it more anyway.
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    Let's be real: I'll be the one doing the invading.
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    WELP
  11. You've conquered new land! What's your first step?

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    Break down their culture and replace it with mine to ensure my supreme power.
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    Put castles all over it to ensure it stays yours.
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    Be subtle about it, but eventually you'll have the whole country in your pocket before they even notice.
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    Set everything on FIRE
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    Sell it back to their people for exorbitant prices.
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    Keep the pressure on so they'll know who's boss.
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    I've got enough country as it is.
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    In fact, you can have some of these countries back.
  12. Who is England's worst enemy?

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    The French!
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    The Spanish!
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    The Germans!
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    The Scots!
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    The Catholics!
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    The Protestants!
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    Parliament!
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    My stupid cousins!
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    My evil cousins!
  13. What's your hobby?

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    Reading
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    Writing
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    Drawing
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    Praying
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    Gardening
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    Hunting
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    Poetry
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    Dancing
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    Designing things
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    Hanging out with friends
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    Eating
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    Partying
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    Stabbin' folks.
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    What DON'T I do?
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    I've got this neat sex chair...
  14. It's time to get married. Who's it going to be?

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    Only someone I can love.
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    Someone to help me with hard decisions.
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    We require dat booty.
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    Some hottie I just found.
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    Nah.
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    Someone who believes what I do.
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    Someone rich and powerful.
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    Anyone. Just... anyone.
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    The one I love, even if it means giving up everything.
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    So I was thinking my brother's twelve-year-old kid. Thoughts?
  15. Time for your kids to get married. What to do?

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    I want them to at least like the person.
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    Switch it around and keep the world powers guessing.
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    Marry them to someone powerful to strengthen their claim to the throne.
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    Put one in every court in Europe.
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    I'm not really concerned about that. I've got my own stuff going on.
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    They're not old enough for that. Let them be kids!
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    Someone to help them grow up a little.
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    Someone from around here.
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    They're not letting me have any say at all!
  16. Are you faithful to your spouse?

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    Anything else would be disrespectful to my spouse and a bad moral example for my country.
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    I have lovers, but only because it improves my image.
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    I could never love anyone but my beloved spouse.
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    I kinda had something going on that kept going on after I married.
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    Most of my extramarital affairs become marital affairs.
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    I have had enough illegitimate kids to make a city.
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    I'm just not interested in the opposite gender.
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    I don't have time for that sort of thing.
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    Wouldn't you like to know.
  17. What's the most important trait to you?

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    Bravery
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    Resourcefulness
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    Piety
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    Loyalty
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    Kindness
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    Good moral character
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    Peacefulness
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    Respect
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    Intelligence
  18. How do you want to be remembered?

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    As a martyr to my beliefs.
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    As having done my duty.
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    As an end to anarchy.
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    As a great warrior.
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    As a peacemaker.
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    As a good person.
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    As a glittering icon of glamour and riches.
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    As a strong leader.
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    As a universally beloved figure.
  19. Pick a quote:

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    "I always admired virtue - but could never imitate it."
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    “I am born for the happiness or misery of a great nation.”
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    ”I may be uninspiring, but I’ll be damned if I’m alien.”
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    "My whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service.”
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    “Kingdoms are but cares/State is devoid of stay/Riches are ready snares/and hasten to decay.”
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    "People in Parliament occupy themselves with private animosities and petty quarrels, and think little of the national interest."
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    "I will pull down my breeches and they shall see my arse!"
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    "Damn the painters and the poets too!"
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    "When you are too old to play golf, you had better die."
  20. Pick a saying:

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    "Waste not, want not."
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    "The clothes make the man."
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    "Finders keepers, losers weepers."
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    "To the victor goes the spoils."
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    "Better late than never."
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    "Easy come, easy go."
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    "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."
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    "Too many cooks spoil the broth."
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    "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
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