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These Are The Most Pornographically Obscene Frappé Drinks You'll Ever See

You thought Starbucks Frappuccinos were bad for you? Just you wait.

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There's a little café in Ciudad Victoria, Mexico, aptly called Food Porn. That should be enough to convince you to book a plane ticket right now, right?

Food Porn Victoria / Via Facebook
Comedy Central / Via giphy

If not, the menu is full of "pig-outs" (the café's words), like a cheeseburger with a mini-cheeseburger on top of it. Really.

They're defying the laws of nature.
Food Porn Victoria / Via Facebook

They're defying the laws of nature.

But its most impressive menu item are 1-liter frappés. Like the Ebony Chocolate, which comes with a doughnut, Crunch chocolates, a Gansito (essentially a chocolate-covered Twinkie with strawberry jam in it), whipped cream, Cocoa Krispies, and Hershey's chocolate syrup on top.

In other words, all the junk food you used to eat as a kid in a whole week, served at one time, because YOLO.
Food Porn Victoria / Via Facebook

In other words, all the junk food you used to eat as a kid in a whole week, served at one time, because YOLO.

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Which is great for any diet, as long as that diet stresses the importance of chocolate and is in no way healthy.

Jersey FIlms / Via giphy

Or there's the Blonde Vanilla, with melted caramel, a whole doughnut (sensing a trend?), white chocolate, marshmallows, whipped cream, wafer cookies, and Corn Pops cereal

You know, in case the double-decker hamburger didn't fill you up and you have room for a little dessert. It'll do.
Food Porn Victoria / Via Facebook

You know, in case the double-decker hamburger didn't fill you up and you have room for a little dessert. It'll do.

If you're feeling adventurous, ask for the Bukkake & Oreo frappé, which is made with a cookie AND a doughnut, Crunch chocolates, marshmallows, Oreos, M&M's, whipped cream and Hershey's chocolate syrup on top.

Yes, that's its name, and no, don't look up what it means.
Food Porn Victoria / Via Facebook

Yes, that's its name, and no, don't look up what it means.

The Strawberry Redhead Babe comes topped with a doughnut, Froot Loops cereal, marshmallows, marshmallow cookies, a strawberry cookie, whipped cream, and strawberry Hershey's syrup.

For those times when you've really just given up on life.
Food Porn Victoria / Via Facebook

For those times when you've really just given up on life.

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But if you don't fear death at all, ask for the Gagging Frappé. It's 2 whole liters and comes with a doughnut (duh), an ice pop, a Ho Hos cake, wafer cookies, Froot Loops, M&M's, marshmallows, chocolate bars (black AND white chocolate), Hershey's syrup, AND A CUPCAKE.

The perfect thing to make it clear to your body that you hate it and you want to utterly destroy it.
Food Porn Victoria / Via Facebook

The perfect thing to make it clear to your body that you hate it and you want to utterly destroy it.

Obviously, the reaction to Food Porn has been mixed. For some people in Mexico, it has awakened complex feelings that are hard to describe:

"These are mega-outrageously disgusting and delightful and I want one. Where can I get one?"
Facebook

"These are mega-outrageously disgusting and delightful and I want one. Where can I get one?"

For others, it's complete and full revulsion:

"They must be kidding when they say these are delicious, because I would end up vomiting immediately. These are more than a stomach can bear."
Facebook

"They must be kidding when they say these are delicious, because I would end up vomiting immediately. These are more than a stomach can bear."

MGM / Via giphy
  1. The important question is...would you try a Food Porn frappé?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Of course not! What about my triglycerides, you idiot?!
    Correct
    Incorrect
    I was born for this moment. I'm ready.
Oops. Something went wrong. Please try again later
Looks like we are having a problem on the server.
The important question is...would you try a Food Porn frappé?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Of course not! What about my triglycerides, you idiot?!
  2.  
    vote votes
    I was born for this moment. I'm ready.
 
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