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10 Stages Of A One Night Stand

We've all been there. Most of the time it's fun, but on the other hand you probably could have had just as much fun in your own bed with icecream watching GBBO.

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1. Subtley suggesting you might be interested

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With class and poise

2. Preparation

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I'm dumbfounded by anyone who is just constantly ready. Do those people actually exist? I need like a good two days preparation time.

3. More preparation

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At least two days.

4. Suggesting you move from the date to the bedroom like a classy lady

"Grab your coat, it's pretty cold in the alley outside"

5. The awkward journey back to their place

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Seriously, is this ever not awkward? What do you even talk about? Plus the taxi driver knows what's going on and that's always humiliating.

6. The weird fetish they forgot to mention

If they come in wearing a latex suit, get out of there

7. When you wake up and forget where you are

And you do that horror-film reveal, slowly pulling the blanket back.

8. Trying to leave without waking them up

It's always right now when every floorboard in the room decides to collectively creak, the bottle of wine you brought back falls off the table and your underwear is wedged underneath his/her arm.

9. When their flatmates are awake

Walk fast and don't look back.

10. Trying to work out how many people on the bus know what you did last night

That man down there casually glanced at me. Dear God he knows everything, even what we did with the strawberry cheesecake.

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