1. "I once overheard a little girl sweetly tell her mother, 'Let’s pretend this stick is a magic wand, and when I wave it everything is beautiful...even you.'”
2. "My husband used to say, 'You wanna piece of me?' to our nephew, and then they would play box. One day, when our nephew was about 4, he approached my husband with his fists up and said, 'You wanna piece of meat? You wanna piece of cheese?'"
3. "I was out with my 7-year-old cousin when she said to me, 'I just smelled rotting flesh. Kinda reminded me of my brother's room.'"
4. "I was giving out candy samples when a little boy introduced himself as 'Michael' and proudly stated, 'At home I poop a lot.' I congratulated him and gave him a double sample."
5. "A second-grade girl was doodling when I asked her what she was drawing. She smiled and said, 'I'm drawing the devil!'"
6. "I saw a 4-year-old threaten his dad with, 'Daddy, I'm gonna climb in your nose hairs.'"
7. "7-year-old, pointing at the tampon dispenser: 'Why is there a lipstick vending machine in the bathroom?' Me: 'That is a question for your parents.'”
8. "My 6-year-old son, when asked by a relative what he'd like to be when he grew up, thought for a few minutes before announcing, 'A pelican.'"
9. "At lunch, my dad jokingly asked my 3-year-old niece to pass him the giant platter of fruit, and she said, 'I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m too 3!'”
10. "I was in the waiting room at the dentist where an 8-year-old boy asked another boy if he would rather die by eating poo or lava. After a bit of thought they both decided on the lava in the end."
11. My 5-year-old nephew had a cold and asked me for a drink. When I asked him what he wanted, he replied, 'Dr. Pepper because it's DOCTOR Pepper.'"
12. "I was walking past an overgrown hedge with a 4-year-old when I said, 'Be careful, there might be a dragon in there.' The 4-year-old said, 'Miss Stephanie, no one has seen a dragon around here in over 40 years.'"
—Stephanie Teig, Facebook
13. "I asked my 5-year-old sister what she wanted for her birthday and she responded, 'Two bottles of milk and a dead owl!'”
14. "On Christmas Eve, my 5-year-old cousin loudly asked, 'When is Jesus coming?' as if he would be joining us for dinner."
15. "I work at a summer camp and during fishing, if a kid catches a fish, they're allowed to kiss it (it’s gross but the kids love it). One day an 8-year-old said to his friend, 'I’ve kissed a lot of fish. I’m a player.'”
16. "At snack time a child opened their juice box, took a giant sip, and went, 'Mmmmhmmm. Nice, cold alcohol.' All of us adults in the room turned to look at the child who said, 'My mom says that all the time when she drinks.'"
17. "The teacher was putting stickers on completed assignments, and when she got to my son, he said, 'No thanks. My work doesn’t need accessories.'”
18. "My 7-year-old cousin asked me how long time had existed. I almost had a panic attack thinking of an answer."
19. "I was a teacher's assistant when a first grader told the teacher she could've saved money on the classroom’s smart board if she'd used Credit Karma."
20. "I asked my 4-year-old cousin what she wanted to be when she grew up. Her answer: 'A clock face!'"
21. "A couple third grade girls were talking about celebrities when one said, 'Why are they so famous?' The other girl slammed both hands on the table and yelled, 'ILLUMINATI THAT’S WHY!'"
Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.