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    Updated on Jul 29, 2020. Posted on Jul 27, 2020

    19 Hilarious Tweets About Raising Kids You Will Not Find In Parenting Books

    The books can't prepare you for everything.

    So, parenting books. Everyone expecting a baby reads them — sometimes a lot of them! — but in the end there are a whole lot of things they just can't prepare you for.

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    Here are 19 hilariously frustrating (and/or kind of sweet) things you just won't read about in parenting books:

    1.

    Parenting books never prepared me for how much time I’d spend arguing for kids to get into and then out of the shower.

    2.

    My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.

    3.

    Meian: Today Hinata talked back to me. Then he said "hashtag roasted" and dabbed. Meian: Non of my parenting books prepared me for that.

    4.

    one thing those parenting books don’t tell you about having a baby is that it will kick you square in the balls at least once every day.

    5.

    Walked into the livingroom & I could smell a fart. I asked who did it & my 9yr old son said it was him. My 4yr old son said he did it & now he's crying cause his big brother took the credit. You don't read about this shit in parenting books.

    6.

    My 3yo keeps telling me to lie down and rest and as soon as I close my eyes, she pounces on me to get me to wake up and then laughs maniacally and all I’m saying is it would’ve been nice if the parenting books hadn’t left out this “Help! I think my child is a sadist” stage.

    7.

    None of the parenting books prepare you for your toddler screaming, “I’m just picking my butt” in the middle of a restaurant.

    8.

    My son texted me halfway through his first day of school “I HAVE STRAIGHT A’s SO FAR!” & parenting books did not prepare me for this level of proud.

    9.

    3: Mommy, I wann Paw Patrol sticker Me: They’re all gone, buddy. 3: Why? Me: Because you used them all, dude. 3: Why? Me: Because you wanted Paw Patrol stickers. 3: Why? These are the conversations the parenting books don’t even remotely prepare you for.

    10.

    You know what they don't put in parenting books? That in 16 years your baby will wash his balls with your 20$ LUSH shampoo bar.

    11.

    Parenting books don’t prepare you for how big your emotions will be as you watch your babies grow up before your eyes.

    12.

    My two kids are locked in some kind of competition for views on their YouTube channels (!!), and now they’re each lobbying me for a shout-out on Twitter. They did not cover this in the parenting books.

    13.

    Nowhere in the parenting books does it tell you that you will be spending $60 on a mf build-a-bear.

    14.

    Why don’t any parenting books tell you the hard truth about the most difficult part of caring for a baby? Trimming. Tiny. Fingernails.

    15.

    You can read all the parenting books you want, but nothing will prepare you for the first time you have to clean poop out of the wrinkles in your son's balls.

    16.

    The parenting books never warned me how much of my daughter’s toddler years would be spent waiting for her to finish this grilled cheese.

    17.

    Why don’t parenting books have chapters called “So your 3 year old’s poop is so huge it looks like it could have come from Andre The Giant...”

    18.

    Five year old was just telling his sister a story, and he started it with “Once upon a time there was a little penis.” They left this shit out of the parenting books, and tbh I’m kinda glad because it’s much better as a surprise.

    19.

    it’s a weird time to bring a newborn into this world because none of the parenting books mentioned how to prep a 1 week old for the apocalypse

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