Parents

This Guy With Four Daughters Just Might Be The Funniest Dad On Twitter

With four daughters 5 and under, he’d better be.

1. Exploding Unicorn — aka James Breakwell — has developed a sizable Twitter following by (over)sharing his off-kilter life as the father of four daughters.

2. That’s right… FOUR DAUGHTERS.

James Breakwell

(Four super-cute daughters, that is.)

3. Some of his best tweets capture the conversations he has with his girls.

4. They discuss the economy…

5. Boys…

6. Romance…

[watching a guy on TV do CPR] 5-year-old daughter: Why is he kissing her? Me: He's not. He's saving her life. 5: I'd rather die.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

7. Life after death…

4-year-old: What happens when you die? Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

8. Careers…

4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

9. The future…

3-year-old daughter: Will I have a baby in my belly someday? Me: If you want to. 3: No thanks. That's where I put my candy.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

10. Where all the missing cookies go…

Me: Who ate all the cookies? 5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn’t see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

11. How babies are made…

5 y.o.: Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby? Me: I helped 5: How? Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

12. …and some stuff that has Breakwell a little worried.

Me: You can't like Kylo Ren. He killed his dad. 5-year-old: Maybe he deserved it. I'm never sleeping again.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

13. As you can see, his daughters are pretty badass.

14. Real badass.

4-year-old daughter: *points to a dead squirrel on the road* He was a boy. Me: How can you tell? 4-year-old: He was stupid.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

15. And they definitely take after him.

No DNA test needed. I'm sure she's mine.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

16. He’s even started to tweet about the family’s youngest member — in his own way, of course.

I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

17. Of course, his wife shows up in his tweets, too.

My wife:“That’s not the shirt I sent her to daycare in.” Me:“But it’s the right kid?” Wife: “Yes.” Me: “Awesome. I’m going to play Xbox”

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

18. Can I say she’s pretty patient?

19. So what does his family think about his tweets?

20. “My wife is grudgingly tolerant of my Twitter addiction,” Breakwell told BuzzFeed. “She was well-aware I was a jerk when she married me, so my tweets haven’t changed her opinion of me in the slightest.”

Wife: Not everything we say in this house belongs on Twitter. Me: I understand. Wife: Are you tweeting this right now? Me: No.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn)

21. As for his daughters, Breakwell says, “They like what I do on Twitter mainly because it’s all about them.”

“On one hand, Twitter makes me a better father because I spend more time with my kids,” Breakwell said. “On the other hand, Twitter makes me a much worse father because I only do it to get more material.” He’s kidding about that last part (I think).

22. You can follow Breakwell on Twitter or visit Unfridgeworthy, where he adds horribly inappropriate descriptions to his kids’ innocent pictures, like this one:

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

 
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