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23 Things You'll Never Hear A Parent Say

“Disneyland is actually quite affordable!”

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1. “Tell me more about Minecraft!”


2. “A kids grilled cheese for just $11? What a steal!"

3. "I am so over sleeping in."

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4. “If I could relive one minute over and over for the rest of my life, it would definitely be the one after I tell my kids it’s time for bed.”

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5. “Finally, it’s date night! Shall we go to Chuck E. Cheese's?”

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6. “Even after three years the backseat of my minivan still looks brand new!”

7. "Thank you for the unsolicited critique of my parenting.”

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8. “I sure hope my neighbor turns on his leaf blower during naptime!”

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9. “I think it’s so charming when you refer to my baby as ‘it.’”

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10. “There’s no better time for a waiter to take 20 minutes to take your order than when you’re eating with kids."

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11. “I can’t wait to explain sex to my kids!”


12. "Stepping on a Lego is so refreshing!”

13. “Yes! Parent teacher conferences!”


14. “Is there a more stress-free moment than when your kid is at bat in Little League?”

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15. “No fair! You got to put the toy together last time!”

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16. “My favorite part of being pregnant was all the random people who came up and touched my belly.”

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17. “No, I haven’t lost all the baby weight yet. How sweet of you to notice.”

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18. "The people on parenting message boards are so nonjudgmental and supportive!”

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19. "It would be super helpful if you could glare at me and my baby this whole flight."

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20. "Gee, I hope my kid asks for a glass of water at 4 a.m. tonight!”


21. “Please just take one bite of chocolate. Just one, and then you can go back to eating your vegetables.”

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22. “Disneyland is actually quite affordable!”

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23. "I just haven't been to enough children's birthday parties in this life."

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