1.
Talk about how much money it costs to raise a kid.
2.
Make a big deal about all of the diapers they've had to change.
3.
Also, tell you in great detail about a time their kid peed or pooped on them.
4.
Be a buzzkill whenever you talk about how excited you are to have kids.
5.
Tell women holding tiny clutches that one day their purses will look like this:
6.
Painfully recount the misery of childbirth.
7.
Tell nightmarish stories about trips to Chuck E Cheese's.
8.
Overshare about how their sex life changed after kids.
9.
Rant about how hard it is to stay in shape.
10.
Complain about having to help their kids with homework.
11.
Brag about their lack of a social life.
12.
Look exhausted pretty much all of the time.
13.
Claim not to remember the last time they were able to read a book.
14.
Constantly wipe their kids' runny noses.
15.
Be totally okay with the fact they've lost touch with current music.
16.
Post photos of their kids throwing tantrums.
17.
Casually mention the unholy hour their kids woke them up on the weekends.
18.
Attend children's birthday parties just about every weekend.
19.
Watch their kids play sports every weekend, too.
20.
Possess an encyclopedic knowledge of children's shows.
21.
Try to convince you that children's characters like Barney are actually pretty great.
22.
Not care one bit about how embarrassing they are.
23.
And lastly, give you all kinds of crap for saying you don’t know if you want kids.
