1.“My son writes long letters professing his love to a girl in his class, but never gives them to her and throws them in the trash.”
2.“My 5-year-old daughter secretly loves my 3-foot-tall Batman doll. I caught her slow dancing with it for a good three minutes until she went in for a kiss."
3.“My son image searches for “cream pie,” but tries to disguise it by searching for “blueberry pie” and “cherry pie” beforehand. He’d be mortified if he knew I’m not fooled that he’s that interested in pastries.”
4.“My 10-year-old daughter has a log of her farts in a notebook that she grades on a scale of 1 to 10.”
5.“My son dances everywhere we go. Yesterday I waited 15 minutes outside a public restroom while he busted moves in front of the mirror. I know because when he came out he was out of breath and sweaty, but said it was because he had an upset stomach.”
6.“My daughter thinks we don't know the combination to her safe. It’s 3.”
7.“My 3-year-old’s favorite hiding spot is behind our glass door. I don’t have the heart to tell him I can see him through the glass.”
8.“My daughter no longer believes in Santa, but won’t admit it because, as I overheard her tell a friend, “Kids who believe in Santa get way more presents than kids who don’t.”
9.My son posted a picture of him smoking on Instagram. He doesn't know I've seen it yet, but he will."
10.“I don’t know what exactly, but whenever I hear my daughter randomly yell, “I love you, Mama!” from across the house I know she’s doing something she doesn’t want me to know about.”
11.“I looked through my 12-year-old son's Internet history and saw he searched for 'boobs,' 'world's biggest boobs,' and 'hugest boobs ever.' I deleted it and have been pretending like I don't know.”
12.“My four-year-old son keeps a picture of Michelle Obama under his pillow. He thinks we don't know it's there, or notice that when we go places he slips it into his pocket."
13.“My daughter doesn’t realize that I know she takes coins out of my purse and puts them in her piggy bank. The jokes on her, though, because when she’s at school I take them back.”
14.“My wife found ripped pages from the bra section of the Sears catalogue stuffed under our son's mattress. He'd written things on them like “Yes, please!” and "Rocket launchers."
15.“My eight-year-old secretly makes videos for YouTube. She has no YouTube account, but creates videos of herself in an American accent (we're British). I watch them all the time and have a good laugh.”
16.“My 13-year-old son doesn’t think we’ve noticed that his nightly showers are now 10-15 minutes longer than they used to be.”
17.“My kid altered his report card with crude photoshop to be full of A’s, so I put it on the refrigerator and tell him every day how proud I am of him. He looks guiltier every time.”
18.“When my dad was a kid he would always sneak candy from my grandpa’s car. In the last few days of my grandpa’s life, my dad confessed to him about his candy stealing, and my grandpa said he knew all along and would refill it everyday for him.”