Nifty·Posted on Mar 11, 201427 Things Every Parent Secretly DoesIf you say you've never done any of these, you're lying.by Mike SpohrBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink Chris Ritter/BuzzFeed 1. Chow down on junk food after the kids are asleep. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Fox / Via foodriot.com 2. Find the members of The Fresh Beat Band attractive. Nickelodeon Lookin' good, Shout. Tara Perry @taraperry Also, Shout after hours for all you moms out there...sorry @TommyHobson 12:47 AM - 13 May 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite Tara Perry@taraperryFollowAlso, Shout after hours for all you moms out there...sorry @TommyHobson05:47 PM - 12 May 12ReplyRetweetFavorite How YOU doin', Marina? Michael Buckner / Via Getty Images Entertainment 3. Tell your own "abridged" version of a bedtime story. plind / Flickr: 25466217@N07 "So there's these three pigs..." *turns page* "And they all built houses, but only one was strong..." *turns page* "Then a wolf blew down the houses except for the strong one..." *turns page* "The end! Now go to sleep." 4. Order your toddler food at a restaurant just so you can get a little mac 'n' cheese. Flickr: elemente 5. Check your email when playing hide and seek. Flickr: carolinaterp "Ready or not here I come!" *opens email* "Wow! You must've really found a great hiding place!" *opens new email* "I can't find you anywhere!" *types quick response* 6. Let your kids watch a “double feature” because you desperately need a break. Flickr: imelda 7. "Lose" a toy. Flickr: martinpro The louder the toy, the more likely it is to get "lost." 8. Steal candy from waiting rooms to give to your kids. Flickr: jasonyungny "Thanks, Mom!" "Don't thank me, honey. Thank Dr. Feingold." 9. Replace a dead fish without telling your kid. Flickr: chrissiewiz 10. Lie about your kid’s age to get free kid admission. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Disney “Really, sir? She’s 3? Because she looks like she’s in grade school.” “Nope! She’s just big for her age! Really freakishly big.” 11. Use your kid to get out of doing something. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF ABC / Via goodreads.com 12. Forget the name of one of your kid’s friend’s parents. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Apatow/Universal / Via crushable.com “Hey, there’s Billy’s dad.” “Oh, yeah. What’s his name again?” “I was hoping you'd know.” 13. Leave a dirty diaper somewhere you shouldn't. Flickr: nolageek2 14. Tell your kid a boldface lie. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Warner Brothers / Via mommyish.com "I'm afraid Toys 'R' Us is closed today. You know what else is closed? The ice cream shop and the park. Tough luck, kid." 15. Let your kids wipe their hands on your pants. Flickr: slworking "NO, MOM!!! NOT THE BLOWER!!! NO!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!" "Fine! Just wipe your hands on my pants." 16. Talk the ear off the cable guy, mailman, or any other adult who visits your house. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF TNA impactwrestling.com / Via wrestlingwithtext.com This is what happens when you spend all day alone with a child. 17. Say something your kid wants to do is illegal. Flickr: jannes_shootings "Sorry, honey, it's against the law to eat candy on Wednesdays." 18. Try breast milk. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF NBC You know you did. 19. Let some boys hang out in your daughter's room, but not others. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Paramount Pictures / Via jmuwomensstudentcaucus.wordpress.com 20. Buy knockoff toys and try to pass them off as the real thing. Flickr: benchilada Admit it: Your kid's American Girl doll pretty much exclusively wears Our Generation clothes from Target. 21. Stalk your kids on social media for their safety… and to satisfy your curiosity about their private lives. Facebook / Via geek.com 22. Try on your pre-kid clothes when no one is around to see if they still fit. Ljupco Smokovski / Via shutterstock.com Spoiler alert: They don't. 23. Tell your partner you let your kid win when you legitimately got beat. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF youtube.com 24. Pass gas and blame it on your kid. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF MCA Records 25. Lie to a babysitter about your kid's bedtime. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF TLC / Via eonline.com “Her bedtime? It’s, uh, 7:30 like a normal kid her age. But tonight it’s OK if she stays up until 8. Or even 9. Yeah.” 26. Promise your child that you'll "come back another time" when you have no intention of ever doing so. Flickr: niklashellerstedt 27. Dance in front of your kid in a way you wouldn’t dance in front of any other human. Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF youtube.com Are you a parent looking for laughs about your kids? Sign up for the weekly BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!