Skip To Content
    Updated on Oct 10, 2019. Posted on Oct 2, 2019

    17 Parents Who Hilariously Defined The Difference Between Them And Non-Parents

    They think they know, but they have no idea.

    1. Non-parents THINK they know how to parent:

    The biggest lie you've ever heard a non-parent tell themselves? "I wouldn't let having kids change my lifestyle. They'll just have to fit in around me." Classic. 😂 #parenting

    2. And they have no problem telling parents their thoughts:

    Non-parent: You should try using alternate words to tell your child “No.” Me: How about “Fuck off?”

    3. No problem at all:

    *posts picture of August* 17 year old non-parent: “You shouldn’t hold him like that you’re going to stunt his growth if you don’t sing a lullaby to him 14 times a day it happened to my cousin’s girlfriend’s aunt’s daughter”

    4. But in reality they have no idea what parenting is like:

    It’s cute when a non-parent person sees a kid screaming and says, “That’s why I don’t want kids.” Lol. They have no clue How Much Worse It Actually Is

    5. Like, NO idea:

    *sees a mother unloading on her son in the middle of Target* Non-parent: Wow, poor kid. Someone had better call child services, that's terrible parenting. Parent: *grabs popcorn* YASSSSS! FUCK HIM UP, MOM!

    6. Why? Because until you actually have kids you can't understand:

    There is no adequate way to describe to a non parent the fear that overwhelms me when feeding my 1yo QUARTERED grapes 🍇.

    7. Having kids changes you:

    Non-parent: There's poop on my hand??!! I can't wash it enough! Should I bleach it? Should I boil it?? Aaarrrggghhh! Parent: There's poop on my hand? Yup. Normal Thursday.

    8. In ways that are kind of frightening, actually:

    A non-parent: A spur of moment weekend in Vegas? I'm in! A parent: Jackpot! The kid's not gonna finish his cupcake!

    9. And you have to be living with a kid 24/7, 365 to get it:

    Non-Parent: I don't understand why you complain about spending time with your kids. You wanted them. *eyeroll* Parent: I love my friends too, that doesn't mean I want to see them while I'm on the toilet.

    10. Like, once you're a parent you KNOW giving a kid a gift like this is a crime that should be punishable by law:

    A GIFT A NON PARENT GIVES.... 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    11. Parents and non-parents just have different lives:

    Non parent: my house is kind of messy. I need to sort my mail. Parent: Last night we lost a chair

    12. VERY different lives:

    Non-parent: So what do you like to do in you spare time. Me: Spare time?

    13. Parents even have a different definition of time:

    First day of summer; I took the kids to the town pool. We’ve been here for 932 “Mom, watch!”s, or in non-parent time, 8 minutes.

    14. It's true:

    A dog year is equal to 7 people years just as a parent year is equal to 7 non-parent years. It's science.

    15. Parents still love their non-parent friends, but relating to them is hard:

    Me catching up with non parent mates. Yeah, we’re trying to work out what school to put the boys in. There’s a lot of non co-ed schools & I’m not too keen on religious ones. How are you? Yeah, I’m trying to work out who my favourite DC & Marvel super heroes are... Cool Cool

    16. And, to be fair, a lot of that is parents' fault:

    *meeting a non-parent* Her: Hi! I’m Kelly. Me: Nice to meet you, I’m (screams) MOMMMMMMMMMM!

    17. But non-parents, please, save the parenting comments until you're actually in it, OK?

    Non-parent: Ugh I’m NEVER doing anything like THAT when I have kids! Parents [under breath]: Oh fucking yes the fuck you are.

    Want awesome parenting tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form