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    Posted on Jun 6, 2016

    These "Sh*tty Moms" Are Giving Their Best Tips On How To Raise Kids

    Their advice is as good as anyone else's.

    Alicia Ybarbo and Mary Ann Zoellner can be called a lot of cool things — The Today Show producers, Emmy Award winners and New York Times best-sellers. So it's a little surprising to hear what they call themselves: Sh*tty Moms.

    Alicia Ybarbo

    They're the ones who aren't Kathie Lee and Hoda.

    The duo — along with humorist Erin Clume — are the authors behind Sh*tty Mom For All Seasons, the new book that promises to teach you how to half-ass it all year long.

    Abrams Image

    The book is actually a sequel to the New York Times best-selling Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us.

    So what inspired these two to write about being sh*tty moms?

    Robyn Roth-Moise

    "After our second children came along we were dropping balls left and right, in our relationships at work and definitely with our children," Zoellner told BuzzFeed. "So we were sitting around one night eating chips and salsa and drinking margaritas when we had an aha moment and started naming our parent-fails SH*TTY MOM moments."

    Ybaro adds, "We are all Sh*tty Moms, and the fun thing about working in an office filled with parents is that we run into the office with a 'You won't believe the Sh*tty Mom Moment I had this morning' only for that moment to be overshadowed by someone else's fabulously disastrous moment."

    Want to be a sh*tty mom too? Here are some tips on how to be one this summer from the sh*tty moms themselves:

    Drop your kids off at the library.

    Walt Disney Studios

    "Your first escape destination should always be the library. They have story time, art classes, scavenger hunts, Claymation video workshops, and rows and rows of climbing structures that the librarians call 'shelves.' Best of all, this sh*t is free and open to the public, which means your kids are allowed to stay there while you go shopping."

    Don't hallucinate about a summer reading list.

    Flickr: oddharmonic / Via Creative Commons

    "Remember that time you got pissed off at the principal, and swore you would home school your kid? Yeah…that was January. By April, you'd lost the workbooks and your kid had gone into anaphylactic shock (twice) during the outdoor nature unit. This experience should have taught you that you're not a good teacher. In fact, you're barely a good parent. Readjust your expectations. If the only activity both of your kids like is watching the Disney channel, make a list of shows you'd like them to watch by the end of summer. And if one of them inadvertently cracks a book when you're not looking/not home, call it a slam dunk."

    Find some last-minute day camps.

    British Lion Films

    "Life got so hectic in May that you forgot to register the kids for enough activities. Now, you're paying the price. They've asked for a snack every 20 minutes for the past three hours, and it's only 8 a.m. Maybe it's time to respond to your partner's request to find a faith community. Look in the newspaper. For a nominal fee, your kids can join a Bible study group led by a man named Edgar. He conducts the school out of his home and focuses on the Old Testament. Lunch is included, but girls eat only after men and goats have finished."

    Don’t let them out of the activities you already booked.

    Perkmeup / Getty Images

    "Nothing ruins a summer day like when you take a kid to his summer class and he clings to your leg like a barnacle. Wise up, moms. Most of their excuses for not wanting to attend are fleeting, resolvable, or just plain stupid. If your kid claims he feels sick, evaluate his face according to those pain charts in the doctor's office. If he's flushed and has tears running down his cheeks, he's definitely maybe about to spray his breakfast taco all over the back seat of the car. But if his mouth is just a straight line with slightly raised eyebrows, then his discomfort level is less than 4. He can totally do this. More importantly, you have to get to the gym."

    Take them camping. Like, once.

    Flickr: epicsurfgt / Via Creative Commons

    "Kids love camping. Of course they do. To their pea brains, camping has everything: dirt, fire, noise, public urination. Just remember that real camping is dangerous. Unless you want to stay up all night flinging metal plates at rabid raccoons or running away from a grizzly bear that hoards human remains, put down a deposit on a parking spot adjacent to a clearing of land with running water. You can tell everyone you went camping. And as long as you stuff them with s'mores, your kids will never know the difference. Happy Summer Sh*tty Moms!"

    Want more Sh*tty Moms? Order a copy of Sh*tty Mom for All Seasons: Half-@ssing It All Year Long.

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