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Parents

19 Hilarious Parenting Tweets From The Dumpster Fire That Is 2018

"Alexa, feed my kids."

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1.

Toddler: MOM I POOPED ON THE POTTY Me: good job! Toddler: AND NOT ON MY UNDIES Me: i’m proud of you Toddler: AND N… https://t.co/qLm2qwQsqO

2.

Helping your kids with their math homework is a good way to teach them about math and swear words.

3.

You're going to miss this, I whisper to myself as I'm shot in the butt with a nerf gun while unclogging the toilet.

4.

Top three artifacts lost to history: 3) Blackbeard's treasure 2) Amelia Earhart's airplane 1) My 3-year-old's other shoe

5.

My daughter put on a princess dress and asked if I had any "play pretend" outfits so I put on workout clothes.

6.

[At parent teacher conference] Teacher: She's really doing great. Keep doing whatever you're doing. Me, internall… https://t.co/knp4Pfn2E8

7.

8.

After presenting my son with a stack of gifts for his birthday, he responded with, "Is that it?" so yeah, parenthood is pretty rewarding.

9.

Before I had kids, I thought I had a great immune system, but it turns out I was just really good at staying away f… https://t.co/yiwRcB8Sq9

10.

Who is the never-seen-figure who is funding Paw Patrol, and why are they investing billions in ridiculous equipment… https://t.co/D84AfDnQ4b

11.

Just saw a toddler swipe a fish tank because he was ready to watch something else.

12.

Me: Looks like it's time to play everyone's favorite game! Kids: *clapping and cheering excitedly* Husband: No on… https://t.co/UbQPIQLfp4

13.

Every picture I have of my two-year-old is of him walking towards the camera asking if he can see the picture

14.

How my daughter woke me up this morning: “Mommy, so boys have seeds hiding in their bellies and they spit it out a… https://t.co/vCNjnP1OPS

15.

Them: what’s parenthood like? Me: I spent my Saturday evening picking every bit of parsley off dinner so tiny peop… https://t.co/FrBiiKglq3

16.

My baby cried for me when I walked in the room. She didn't want mommy, she wanted ME! She farted the moment I pick… https://t.co/Xi9795mvZL

17.

Dads, don’t tell your daughters they are “pretty”. Tell them they’re strong. Tell them they’re smart. Tell them the… https://t.co/rSiU0GhdRx

18.

Saved my kid's life today by yelling ARE YOU OKAY from a different room

19.

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