School is almost back in session, which means teachers are like:
But in addition to the learning, teachers can look forward to getting back to...burns. Epic burns delivered by none other than their students.
1. "A kindergartener looked at my badge (which had a 10-year-old photo of me), then my face, wrinkled her nose, and matter-of-factly said, 'You used to be pretty.'"
2. "Last year I hosted a digital Ugly Holiday Sweater design contest for my 6th graders. One student googled my name, found a picture of me, and pasted that picture onto their sweater for the contest. They won by a unanimous vote."
3. "We were talking about exponential growth/decay when a student asked, 'Is it possible to model the decay of your hairline?' The class laughed as did I, it was a nice dig... I did follow-up with 'That kind of decay has already been modeled by your GPA,' which then made the final 10 minutes of class completely useless...but entertaining."
4. "I’m an English teacher. During my student teaching days, I dyed my hair black and got new, big, round, black glasses. I have short hair. As soon as I walked in the room, one of the students yelled 'Okay Harry Potter!'”
5. "The Wordle of the day was FEIGN, so I asked, 'Do you know what feign means?' Student: 'Nope.' Me: 'It means to pretend. You’ll often hear someone say they feigned interest.' Student: 'Oh, so like me in this class!'"
6. "I wore my black Lululemon Fanny pack while chaperoning a school dance and one of my students came over to me, pulled out his phone, and proceeded to tell me I looked like this photo of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson:"
7. "I’m a shorter guy with a baby face who's been hitting the gym pretty consistently for the last nine months or so. One kid said I looked like a buff baby man LOL. I had mixed feelings."
8. "I asked a student to leave the classroom for being disruptive last year. After slowly gathering their things and dapping up all of their friends on the way out, they finally stopped at the door to tie their shoes. Annoyed, I asked 'What are you doing?' He said, 'I'm tying my shoes so I'm not tripping like you!'"
9. "They called me Boss Baby when they found out I was 22."
10. "I was explaining a lab and told the students they should 'sprinkle the iron filings like seasoning' or something. I got 'Bruh, you white. What you know about seasoning?' back and actually laughed out loud."
11. "One of the kinder kids told me once: 'What’s wrong with your face? Are you wearing make up? Why doesn’t it match you?' My ass went to MAC right after work and upgraded my color."
12. "A 6-year-old asked me: 'Miss, do you have makeup?' Me: 'Yes, why?' Her: 'Why don’t you wear it?'"
13. "'Miss, why does your hair always look like you stuck your finger in a toaster?'"
14. "During a year when we had an interim principal and everything was a shitshow, one of my kids asked, 'When’s the substitute principal leaving?'”
15. "From an eighth grader: 'I bet you were that girl who made friends with the lunch ladies.'”
16. "I had a 1st grader look at my ID card photo and say out of the blue, 'Is this when you were in jail?' It's not a good photo but I didn't think it was mugshot-level bad!"
17. "'Your face is like the sun…when I look at it too long it hurts my eyes.' I fell off my chair laughing."
18. “You’re a great teacher but you dress like a Jehovah’s Witness.”
19. "I mentioned I had plans for a few concerts coming up. One of my students said 'WOW! On a teacher's salary?!'"
20. "Reading from a script for a play, I said in character: 'I have a date with a girl.' One of my students said, 'Really? That’s surprising.' But I one-upped him. I said 'Yea, you’re telling me.' I’m a gay man lol. Your burn has no power here!"
21. "I wore overalls and a student said, 'This morning did you look in the mirror and say "Oh this is cute," or were you in a rush?”
23. "Last Halloween a student asked me what my costume was. I wasn't dressed up, so I said, 'Your favorite teacher.' He responded by saying, 'Huh. You don't look like Mr. K (the history teacher).'"
Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.