1. Oh boy.
I remember as a kid my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing but when I got home, the signs were all there.
2. Gah.
Apologies in advance... this post has been removed in case it causes a fence...
3. Sigh.
Chris Hemsworth is Australian and Thor is from space does that make him an Australien
4. Clenches teeth.
doctor: [handing me my new born baby] I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it me: [handing baby back to him] bring me the one my wife made
5. Grumble.
How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? You will see one later and one in a while.
6. Shakes fists at the heavens.
I named my new IPhone "Titanic" So when I enter iTunes it says "syncing Titanic" I can press cancel. I feel like a HERO #jokes #funny
7. Groan.
My dad sent me this 😂
8. Facepalm.
NURSE: the doctor has pronounced your father dead ME: oh my god we’ve been calling him dad all this time
9. Shuts eyes tightly.
I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden but how am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?
10. Shakes head.
My dad NEVER asks for his picture to be taken. Then today he asks for his pic, and does THE MOST EXTRA dad thing ever.
11. Blows raspberry.
I’ve started my new job at the toy warehouse. There are only two of us that work on a production line for Dracula figures. I have to make every second count.
12. Grunts.
I had a table last night whose bill came out to exactly $420.00 I was running around showing it to all my coworkers, asking them "does this bill seem a bit high?" This is why your bill took so long to reach the table. #sorrynotsorry
13. Rolls eyes.
Son: have you seen my sunglasses? Me: no, have you seen my dadglasses?
14. Guttural noises.
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”. “No, go right ahead”, the woman replies. The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down. “Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”
15. Curses under breath.
I saw a joke that made me giggle. Two wind turbines stand in a field. One says to the other, "So, what kind of music are you into?" The other replies, "I'm a huge metal fan." 😀 ...I understand if I lose followers.
16. Winces politely.
A few folks gathered together to name a new territory. They put all the letters into a hat. They pull out the first letter, "C, eh?" They pull out the second letter, "N, eh?" They pull out the second letter, "D, eh?" And that's how Canada got its name. Happy 🇨🇦 Day.
17. Not you too, Luke.
"Dad" humor at its' finest. #AnotherRetroRerun
18. Tsk-tsk.
A friend just asked if I think Advent Calendars will still be around in ten years' time. Personally, I think their days are numbered. #EveryYear
19. Lordy, lordy.
What did the Dj say to the farmer? Lettuce turnip the beet. #TheMorningCorny
20. Kicks chair.
21. (Screams internally.)
I started the first day of 2019 off by reattaching an ear and the as the surgeon broke out he left us with the best dad joke ever... “thanks, guys. happy new ear!” Honestly I can’t think of a better way to start my year. 🤷🏻♀️
22. Puts hands on small of back, looks skyward.
How to nail an interview. Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? You: I can perform under pressure I: Can you give me an example? Y: *deep breath, clicks fingers, sings* pressure, under pressure
23. Stares into the distance.
Me: So there's a whole breed of birds who cant fly Wife: Losers. They had 1 job M: You're mean. Turns out birds who can fly deliberately exclude birds who can't—there's even a term for it W: What? Wait—is this another one of your stupid Dad- Me: Ostrich-size!😅 #DadJokes W:
24. Groans and sighs in tandem.
my friend gave birth in her car on the way to the hospital and her husband named the kid Carson and if you don't think that's the best dad joke ever get out of my face
25. Rage eats.
Me: There are millions of camels out here in the desert. Daughter: I can't see any! Me: That's because they're camelflaged. #PutOutYourDadJokesForFathersDay
26. Mouth breathes.
If Ke$ha goes to Europe is she Ke£ha?
27. Growls.
Interesting fact of the day: In Sweden, all government-owned ships are required to have a UPC code printed on the hull. When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.
Dads everywhere:
