9. Trying to act hip.
There’s a reason teenagers say, “Mom/Dad, just stop.”
10. Nervously talking to your kids about the birds and the bees.
“Vagina.” “Penis.” “Intercourse.” There’s no way to not make this creepy.
12. Making people hold your baby.
“Hold her. Go on! HOLD HER, DAMN IT!!!”
13. Making your kids breathe on you when they come home from a party.
And then inhaling deeply.
15. Knowing random facts about One Direction.
You only know this stuff because of your kids. You swear.
19. Driving by your kid’s school and staring at the kids on the playground.
You: “I was just looking to see if I could see my kid, Officer.”
You: “I have a kid! I promise!”
20. Saying “I have to go potty” when you’re out with your friends.
Also, saying “Bye-bye” with a furtive wave when you leave.
21. Talking to your kids’ stuffed animals as if they’re real.
“I’m going to put Mr. Pooh here, sweetie. Is that OK with you, Mr. Pooh?”
It’s cool, parents. You do you.
- Sean Spicer said "his intention is never to lie" as White House press secretary, after making false claims this weekend about Trump's inauguration.
- President Trump signed an executive order that bans foreign organizations that receive US funding from providing abortions.
- Democratic lawmakers say Trump's new hotel in Washington, DC, has lost over $1 million and violates its lease with the government.
- The all-day breakfast boom at McDonald's is over as sales fall for the fast food giant 🍳 📉