9. Trying to act hip.
There’s a reason teenagers say, “Mom/Dad, just stop.”
10. Nervously talking to your kids about the birds and the bees.
“Vagina.” “Penis.” “Intercourse.” There’s no way to not make this creepy.
12. Making people hold your baby.
“Hold her. Go on! HOLD HER, DAMN IT!!!”
13. Making your kids breathe on you when they come home from a party.
And then inhaling deeply.
15. Knowing random facts about One Direction.
You only know this stuff because of your kids. You swear.
19. Driving by your kid’s school and staring at the kids on the playground.
You: “I was just looking to see if I could see my kid, Officer.”
You: “I have a kid! I promise!”
20. Saying “I have to go potty” when you’re out with your friends.
Also, saying “Bye-bye” with a furtive wave when you leave.
21. Talking to your kids’ stuffed animals as if they’re real.
“I’m going to put Mr. Pooh here, sweetie. Is that OK with you, Mr. Pooh?”
It’s cool, parents. You do you.
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