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    92 Halloween Jokes That Put The "Ha" In Hallow...Yeah, You Get It

    These are guaranteed to be a real scream!

    Halloween is just around the corner — but that doesn't mean everything has to be spooky. Some of us are scaredy cats! So we rounded up the funniest Halloween-themed jokes, with the help of Reddit, that are guaranteed to raise your *spirits.*

    1. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.

    2. What happened when the young witch misbehaved? She was sent to her broom.

    3. What do ghosts drink at breakfast? Coffee with scream and sugar.

    4. What did the mother ghost say to her kids in the car? Fasten your sheet belts.

    5. How do black cats end a fight? They hiss and make up!

    6. What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spooketi.

    7. Why don't witches wear flat hats? Because there's no point to it!

    8. What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.

    9. Why did the mummy become a detective? Because he was good at "unraveling" mysteries.

    10. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!

    11. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch!

    12. What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?"

    13. What is a monster's favorite theme park ride? The Roller Ghoster.

    14. Why did the monster go to the barber? Because they needed a scare cut.


    15. How do you know if a vampire is sick? He's coffin.


    16. What's the best halloween dessert? Booberry pie.


    17. What did the vegan zombie have for dinner?Grrraaaaaaiiiinnnssss.


    18. Why won’t monsters eat ghosts? Because they always taste like sheet.


    19. Why don't ghosts take showers? They only like boo-ble baths.

    — keeeeevviiiiin

    20. What time do ghosts eat? Boo-thirty.


    21. Why did the demon join tinder?He was looking for a ghoul-friend.


    22. Who makes sure the graveyard is up to code? The in-spectre.

    23. What do you call a wolf that meditates? Aware-wolf.


    24. What kind of car does a ghost drive? A boo-ick.


    25. Where does Dracula keep his money? The blood bank.


    26. Why is there a fence around a graveyard? Because people are just dying to get in.


    27. What did Dracula name his car? Vlad the Impala.


    28. What do you call a witch's cleaning service? Broom Service.

    29. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue? To get a spare rib.

    30. Why did Dracula go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw blood.

    31. What kind of dogs do vampires have? Bloodhounds.

    32. What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.

    33. What's a ghost's favorite kind of street? A dead end.

    34. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.


    35. Who did the ghost take on a date? His ghoul-friend.


    36. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? He had no-body to dance with.

    37. What do you call a lost wolf? A where-wolf.


    38. What is a ghost’s favorite meal? Spookghetti.

    39. Why did the ghost go to the party? To booooogie.


    40. What kind of makeup do monsters wear? Ma-scare-a.

    41. What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed.


    Illustration of Taylor Swift and a vampire

    43. Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? Because they have a lot of spirit!

    44. What do you cook for dinner on Halloween? Pasta afraid-o.


    45. How do monsters like their eggs? Terri-fried.

    46. What did the corpse's mom do when she got mad at him? She grounded him.

    47. How does a vampire flirt? They bat their eyes.

    48. Who do celebrity vampires get letters from? From their fang club.

    Close-up of Woman with Halloween costume puts on false vampire teeth

    49. What kind of ship does Dracula have? A blood vessel.


    50. What room does a ghost not need? A living room.

    51. Why did the werewolf make everyone laugh at a comedy show? Because he was howl-arious.


    52. This one about axe murderers:

    "He was a total hack."

    53. What do birds say on when they go trick-or-treating? Twig or treat!

    54. How do you fix a broken pumpkin? A pumpkin patch.

    55. Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!

    56. What does a skeleton say before dinner? Bone appetit!


    Starbucks cup labeled "Daniella"

    58. Where do werewolves store their things? At a were-house.

    59. What is a mummy's favorite type of music? Wrap.

    60. Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffins.

    61. Why wouldn’t the skeleton go trick-or-treating? Because it didn't have the guts.

    Scary skeleton sitting atop pumpkins, flowers and hay stacks in city street

    62. Why did the vampire subscribe to the New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.

    63. Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was all wrapped up in himself.

    64. What kind of protozoa likes Halloween? An ameboo.


    Illustration of a mummy with a skirt, hat, and purse

    66. What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He was repossessed.

    67. What happened to the cannibal who was late to dinner? They gave her the cold shoulder.

    68. What do you call two witches living together? Broommates.


    Illustration of a sad witch on a broom

    70. Why are demons and ghouls always together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

    71. What kind of dessert does a monster like? I-scream!

    orange sherbet, mini white pumpkins, candy corn candies styled on a peach textured background

    72. What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets.

    73. Where do movie stars go on Halloween? Mali-boo.


    Illustration of a jack o lantern

    75. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.

    76. Who won when Dracula and Frankenstein had a fight? Frankenstein, because Dracula sucks.

    77. Who does a mummy take on a date? Any girl he can dig up.


    Illustration of two ghosts in the city

    79. What did the hungry zombie order at the restaurant? Ghoulash.

    80. What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.

    81. Why don't ghosts like rain on Halloween? Because it dampens their spirits.


    Illustration of a zombie bee

    83. Why wouldn’t Dracula’s kids laugh at his jokes? Because they all sucked.


    84. What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.

    85. Who won the dance contest at the Monsters' Ball? The Boogie Man.


    86. Why did the headless horseman start a business? He wanted to get ahead in life.

    87. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boo-ze.

    Scary colorful Halloween cocktails with party decorations on dark background

    88. Who are some of the werewolves' cousins? The whatwolves and the whenwolves.

    89. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.


    Illustration of a bloody "Vote" sticker

    91. Why did the ghost need a Band-Aid? He had a boo boo.

    92. Why don't mummies take time off? They're afraid to unwind.

    This post contains content from Cece, Jessica Misener, Andy Golder, and Andrea Hickey. It was compiled by Laura Frustaci. This post was enhanced using AI-powered creativity tools. Take our new AI-powered quizzes here.