Parents·Posted on Sep 25, 201424 Crazy Things You Never Imagined Saying Before KidsDid I really just say that?by Mike SpohrBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink 1. "Honey, which one of the kids took a bite out of the Elmo flashcard?" View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 2. "Why are there Legos in the peanut butter?!" thespohrsaremultiplying.com 3. Robin O'Bryant @robinobryant "DON'T LICK THE TV SCREEN!!!" #thingsineverthoughtidsaytomykids 09:09 PM - 03 Sep 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite Robin O'Bryant@robinobryantFollow"DON'T LICK THE TV SCREEN!!!" #thingsineverthoughtidsaytomykids2:09 PM - 03 Sep 12ReplyRetweetFavorite 4. "Stop eating Play Doh!" Flickr: 150hp / Via Creative Commons 5. "Adam, there are no weapons at the table." View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 6. "Please stop putting gummy bears on your penis." Flickr: texas_lvn_2000 / Via Creative Commons 7. "That green bar in the corner is soap. You must use it on your body." funny-quotes.picphotos.net*avactis-images*003_0.jpg 8. "Being hot isn't an excuse to take off your underwear." Flickr: giona / Via Creative Commons 9. "Put the goldfish back in the fish tank!" Flickr: rhinoneal / Via Creative Commons 10. Stuff We Tell Emily @parentingemily Less singing, more pooping. 12:32 AM - 08 Apr 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite Stuff We Tell Emily@parentingemilyFollowLess singing, more pooping.5:32 PM - 07 Apr 14ReplyRetweetFavorite 11. "If you're going to say hello to the neighbor, you need to cover your penis first!" Flickr: drh / Via Creative Commons 12. "Don't touch dead bugs with your popsicle!" Flickr: techne / Via Creative Commons 13. "Your vagina is not a purse, so stop putting pennies in it!" Getty Images/iStockphoto Choreograph 14. "The microwave is not a playhouse for your stuffed animals." View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 15. "Just because you can make it bigger doesn't mean you have to." Flickr: jazbeck 16. "I really couldn't tell you if Sofia the First has ever peed her bed." Disney 17. "Do not bite the cat!" View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 18. Kelly Hodgson @momstownOak Bandaids are not stickers. #thingsparentssay 10:02 PM - 18 Sep 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite Kelly Hodgson@momstownOakFollowBandaids are not stickers. #thingsparentssay3:02 PM - 18 Sep 14ReplyRetweetFavorite 19. "No, Harry Potter does not have magical farts." Tap to play or pause GIF Tap to play or pause GIF Warner Bros. 20. "Please stop looking for the cat’s penis. She doesn’t have one, I promise.” Flickr: theenmoy / Via Creative Commons 21. "Tampons are NOT toys!" Heather Ostrowski / Via Facebook: babyJackblankets 22. "Stop sticking markers in your nose!" View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 23. "Take the headphones off the dog." Flickr: pug / Via Creative Commons 24. "Stop peeing on each other!" Idal / Via iStock Looking for more laughs about all the hilarious things kids do? Sign up for the weekly BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!