29 "Do Not Want!" Dating Stories That Will Make You Delete Tinder
Warning: This post may make you never want to date again.
We recently did a series of posts where we asked to hear about awkward dates, and whoa nelly, people took us on a ride with their stories! Here are the best submissions from those posts along with some new ones that are equally memorable:
1. "I was once set up by my grandma with a guy from her church. Turned out it wasn’t just a blind date, it was a double date. With my grandparents."
2. "I once went out with a guy who was going to meet me at the restaurant I work at. He showed up drunk and had no money on him. He then proceeded to walk around the bar and ask different people for food off of their plates, at the place I work."
3. "This staunch vegan kept lecturing me about the importance of carrots...until he whipped out his real leather jacket. When I asked him about it, he said it didn't count cause he loves his leather bomber jacket, smh."
4. "My date asked me to get some coffee before we went to see a movie and I told him 'coffee gives me diarrhea.' I instantly realized what I’d said and knew I couldn’t backpedal."
5. "I went out with a guy who brought his guitar on our first date. I'm a musician, but NO. On top of that, he played me songs he wrote about his unrequited love for his ex."
6. "I went bowling with this guy, and after we played a game, we got nachos and sat down at a table. We talked a few minutes before he pulled out his phone and proceeded to swipe through Tinder right in front of me."
7. "It was supposed to be a quick first date — just a light hike to check out the super bloom — but I fell about 20 minutes in, breaking my ankle in three places. When we called for help, they sent a helicopter and I ended up getting flown out. Nothing like a first date ending in the hospital!"
8. "I went on a date to a teppanyaki restaurant where they cook the food in the middle of the table. There was a giant flame at one point and my date started going nuts, saying the flame had burned my eyebrows off. I ran to the bathroom to check and nope, they were the eyebrows I came in with. Man, over-plucking in the '90s was a bad idea on so many levels!"
9. "I went on a Bumble date and the first thing the guy says is, 'I took a nap before our date and didn’t have time to shower.' Our date was at 4 p.m. AND he went to the gym beforehand. There was not a second date."
10. "I went on a movie date with this guy who chewed tobacco through the whole movie. He drove me home, and while still chewing, leaned in to try to make out. I high-fived him and bolted from that car so fast!"
11. "My date went in for a hug and I ended up jumping and wrapping my legs around him. His knees buckled and we both almost fell. To this day I still don’t understand why my first instinct was to jump and wrap my legs around him. So embarrassing."
12. "I went on a date with a guy to the movies. We talked a lot before the movie started. After it ended, he walked straight out to his car and left. Didn’t say a word to me or even see if I got to my car. Never heard from him again."
13. "We were sitting in the car when he asked me what I was thinking about and I said, 'Harry Styles.'”
14. "We didn’t even make it to a first date. This guy and I had been texting for a few days when he told me that he was scared of squirrels. I thought he was joking, so I sent him pictures of the squirrels outside my place. Nope. Deathly afraid of them."
15. "I was on a second date with a guy, and we drove out to these woods near my apartment. After he parked the car, he looked at me and said, 'I have to tell you something.' For some reason, his saying that reminded me of the 'Thriller' music video where Michael Jackson parks in the woods with his date. I immediately blurted out 'Are you a werewolf?'"
16. "Once, while in law school, I went on a date with a guy who did not know what a jury was. I did not text him again after the date. A few weeks later, he sent me a YouTube video of himself playing the guitar."
17. "I put my shoes on in the dark and showed up on a first date in two different pairs."
18. "I went on a first date with a guy to a pool hall. He left in the middle of the date because he was mad that I wasn't good enough at playing pool."
19. "This guy and I were sitting in a booth at a bar. I felt like we were totally hitting it off, so, after he'd told me something endearing, I decided to lean over the table and kiss him. Knocked both our beers into his lap. We never spoke again."
20. "I went on an art gallery date with this pretentious guy who was 40 minutes late and explained the whole thing to me. Afterward, he asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I told him I had to meet my mom, so he walked me to my car — which I couldn’t find for two hours because I'd lost it in the parking lot. So, so, so awkward."
21. "I was on a third date at a pub where we had some appetizers and drinks. Afterwards, he walked me back to my hotel, where we stood awkwardly at the lobby doors as I waited for him to kiss me. We ended up just having an awkward hug and I was kind of disappointed."
22. "I was on a first date where it was like my date didn’t know how to speak. I had to start all the conversations. At one point, I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Above his head was a sign pointing to the salad bar, so I panicked and asked what his favorite salad dressing was. He said, 'Dry. I like my salad plain.' I asked for the check and left."
23. "My date and I were on our way to a movie when the dude said, 'You’re so hot, I can’t get rid of this boner — think you could help me out before we get there?' Uh, no thanks."
25. "I was walking around the mall with a date and I had on some tight shorts. I bent down to look at something on a bottom shelf when my shorts constricted my stomach and I accidentally let out a huge fart right in front of him! I stood up, extremely embarrassed (and seriously regretting the burrito I had for lunch) and he told me there was a hole in my shorts."
26. "The first year I lived in China, I was set up on a blind date with an older man who was a widower. His sister and her husband, plus the man's late wife's sister and her husband also came on the date and stared at me through the whole meal."
27. "On a first date, the guy got DRUNK and dropped food on his pants. He was too drunk to drive home at the end of the night, so I set him up to sleep on the couch, then threw his pants in the wash and then the dryer. He left early, like 5 a.m., then called me to complain his pants weren’t completely dry....this is why I don’t date often."
28. "My great aunt set me up with her phlebotomist (she was homebound and he came to the house to do all her blood work). We met up for drinks and he spent the entire time telling me about his karaoke squad and his childhood alien abduction encounter."
"I think the waitress picked up on the awkward vibes and pretty quickly brought the check. I never let my family play matchmaker again."
29. "I’m actually on a first date right now. The guy is sleeping. Before he fell asleep, he explained to me that he’s vulnerable to demons and thinks he was possessed once. I'm excited to never see him again."
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.