40 Signs You're Almost 40
You really shouldn't like sitting down this much.
Your favorite bands from high school now play on classic rock stations.
And your favorite TV shows play on Nick at Nite.
Instead of laughing at those Activia commercials, you wonder, Does it work?
The only new celebrities you recognize are the offspring of the ones you grew up loving.
You still have a CD collection.
But you haven’t bought a CD by a new artist in years.
You rely on Spanx more and more.
You're seriously concerned that you're not saving enough for retirement.
You bought your first pair of over-the-counter reading glasses.
You used to print your school papers on this.
Your shoe selections have become more and more sensible.
Every weekend is another kid's birthday party.
But you kind of look forward to them because they're when you see your friends the most.
The hair on your eyebrows, ears, and nose has started to grow in really weird ways.
While the hair on your head gets thinner and thinner.
More of your friends are announcing divorces than engagements.
You increasingly enjoy playing the game of "Remember when?"
You really don't understand how to watch MTV anymore.
The last time you went to the ER, this is what the resident who treated you looked like:
Spotify has started targeting you with Viagra ads because you only listen to music from the early '90s.
At one point you've looked in the mirror and given yourself a pep talk by saying, “You’ve still got it.”
You’ve developed an appreciation for Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, and classical music.
You're now older than every player on your favorite baseball team.
And the kids starting college next year weren't even born when you graduated.
You go around the house turning off all the lights.
You've started to schedule your Friday nights around watching Dateline NBC.
Everything you think happened five years ago actually happened 10 to 15 years ago.
You've got one of these sitting in a drawer somewhere.
And you can't bring yourself to throw this out.
You use outdated terms like “Did you tape the show?” and “Rewind that song!”
You know how to change a fuse.
Mammograms and prostate exams are now a way of life.
Waitresses card you to get a good tip, and not because they think you’re under 21.
All the actors and actresses you used to think were hot now play grandparents.
You no longer dye your hair to try out a new hair color but to hide gray.
A single drink gives you a wicked hangover.
When your friends trade stories from college, you find yourself saying, "Wait. What happened?"
Sitting has become preferable to basically any other activity in life.
But despite everything, there’s no amount of money they could pay you to be a confused twentysomething again.
And as you stare down the big 4-0, you finally feel as if you've got things figured out in life.
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