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    29 Hilarious Tweets About The Agony And Ecstasy Of Toddlers

    "Toddlers are just teenagers with less life experience."


    I'm glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling with a jar of peanuts.


    Toddler: MOM I POOPED ON THE POTTY Me: good job! Toddler: AND NOT ON MY UNDIES Me: i’m proud of you Toddler: AND NOT ON MY PANTS Me: great Toddler: AND NOT ON THE TOOTHBRUSHES Me: wait what


    Toddlers are just teenagers with less life experience.


    You can say "please" and "thank you" a million times and your toddler will never repeat it, but if you say "ass-faced mother fucker" ONCE...


    Not at all embarassing when your newly potty trained toddler drops drawer and starts peeing on a tree... a fake tree... in the middle of a restaurant.


    toddler *walks by with a hammer* me: What are you gonna make? toddler: Noise


    Hearing a toddler say “uh oh” from a different room: cheaper than joining a gym and just as effective a workout


    Toddler: *babbling nonsense* Me: Ok, got it! Narrator: But she did not “got it” And this would make the toddler very angry.


    *finally gets gloves on toddler correctly* *dies of old age*


    Toddler: [Eating an orange] Me: Can I have some? Toddler: No! Is spicy! She's on to me.


    nobody: a toddler: my mama booty not real


    There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler.


    Before I had a toddler, I had no idea there was a wrong way to eat imaginary food.


    Sorry I’m late, had to wait for my toddler to go through the 5 stages of grief putting on a pair of pants.


    Oh, you ran a 5K today? Cool. I buckled a toddler into a car seat twice today, so we both burned the same amount of calories.


    How can someone look so impossibly perfect when they're asleep but make me so completely insane when they're awake? - Every toddler Mom, ever


    The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.


    [1st day in hell] SATAN: You get the worst punishment ME: *thinking about being burnt alive* oh no SATAN: You have to talk to this toddler on the phone ME: OH NO


    I just caught my toddler baptizing her Barbie in the cat’s water bowl. Then, naturally, like one does, sucked all of the water out of the Barbie’s hair and did a nice refreshed “ahh!” afterwards.


    I tried to tell y’all having a toddler is pretty much the same as being in a horror movie.


    Parenting is asking your toddler to wash their hands and then 45 minutes later begging them to stop washing their hands.


    Instead of telling my toddler “No” all the time I try to say things like “please stop, you’re going to hurt yourself,” or “Don’t do that baby, you’re doing to break it” or “Sweetie, I’m begging you to chill out because mommy is about to cry and have a nervous breakdown”


    My toddler pointed at my stomach and said “peanut butter” and then laughed uncontrollably. I’m not sure what it meant but it stung.


    My toddler just yelled, “I’m not crazy!” at whoever he was pretending to talk to on his phone


    My toddler just got a hold of a tub of butter, rubbed it all over her legs, and said “lotion you can eat” and I feel like she may be onto something.


    Recipe for Inevitable Toddler Meltdown 2 parts missed nap 1 part wrong cup color 1 part “lost” whistle A dash of dead iPad Marinate until 4pm Serve inconsolable until bedtime


    Just called the cops on a screaming lunatic at the grocery store. Anyway, I'm gonna go finish my shopping while they investigate my toddler.


    Just say NO to schedules. Just say NO to naps and sitting still. Just say NO even when what you actually mean is YES -Toddler Inspirational


    me: Why aren’t you wearing pants? toddler: I can see better without them

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