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    If You Laugh At These Tweets, It's Because You're Officially Old

    "I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now."


    I'm not saying I'm old, but more than half of my tweets were me trying to Google something.


    Welcome to middle age. You now fight for your right to leave the party at a reasonable hour so you can get a decent night’s sleep.


    I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now.


    You know you're getting older when you have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. ♥


    One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.


    The older I get the more I want Ed Rooney to catch Ferris Bueller.


    Welcome to middle age. No one tells you that rigor mortis starts while you’re still alive.


    You know you're getting old when you pull out your high-powered back massager and actually use it on your back.


    So You Think You Can Move That Heavy Piece of Furniture Without Hurting Your Back. -a reality show in your 40s


    one day you're not old and the next day all of your favorite artists are performing at casinos


    As far as I can tell, the best part about being old is you can fall asleep wherever you want and everyone just goes with it.


    If you’ve ever wondered if you’re getting old, ask yourself this question. Have you ever bought expensive cheese? Therein lies your answer


    You’re officially old when movies that came out when you were a kid are getting remade.


    Welcome to your 40s. You now get food stuck in your teeth with every meal. EVERY. MEAL.


    I'm not saying I'm old but I just had to increase my font size to "Billboard."


    Me: Ow. I hurt my shoulder. Wife: Doing what? Me: Existing. Getting old is hell.


    One day you’re not old and the next day you’re excited to eat Gnocchi made from Cauliflower.


    Your 30's mostly consist of getting excited when you find out a professional athlete is older than you.


    Nothing says you’re officially old like the first time the barber asks if you want your eyebrows trimmed.


    You know you’re getting old when all your friends stop texting you around 8 because they’re “winding down” from their day.


    You can track how gracefully you're aging by how often you mutter, "Oh God" whenever you stand up.