1."The dishes and laundry can wait, the memories can't."
2."Your kids will become you times five, so really think about the personality traits you're showing them."
3."If you can't figure out why a baby is crying, make them naked."
4."Everybody knows how to raise children... except the people who have them."
5."Don't doubt yourself, trust your instincts — no one truly knows what they're doing."
6."Keep in mind that while you're figuring out how to be a parent, your newborn is figuring out how to be a human."
7."If you can't handle him/her today, add ten years and a hundred pounds."
8."If the baby is crying, it's gas. If the baby is smiling, it's gas. If the baby is quiet, it's gas. It's always gas."
9."If a kid is happy with what they are playing with, don't mess with them."
10."Pick your battles wisely."
11."There is no law enforcement or child protection agency in the country that will prosecute if you lay your screaming baby down in a safe place for five minutes and step away."
12."Even if you think you'll remember, write it down or take a picture."
13."There are no mistakes in our world, only happy accidents."
14."Having the first child is about fitting a new human being into our life, having a second child is just about fitting a new human being to our daily routines."
15."You don't have to be a martyr to be a mother."
16."Dress the baby how you're dressed."
17."Don't try to reason with a toddler. Its not worth the fight and in 30 seconds they are going to change their mind anyway."
18."It's all part of a phase."
19."My mom said, 'If you think you're going to be bad at something, you'll do a bad job. If you think you're going to be good at something, you'll do great.'"
20."Children aren't bad, they just make bad choices."
