He recently published a book — The ParentNormal Crash Course: Everything Traditional Parenting Books Are Afraid to Tell You About Close Encounters of the Baby, Toddler and Third-Year Kind — and shared some toddler truisms from it with us:
1. 95% of helping a toddler who falls down is trying not to laugh at how they fell down.
4. After a while, you’ll stop giving your toddler so many gifts and start giving your toddler so many bribes.
9. You say potato. I say potato. A toddler says, “No!” and throws it on the floor.
12. Trying to figure out the right plate and food combination for a toddler is like trying to complete a Rubik’s Cube for the first time, every time.
13. If there is something on the floor that can crumble into a million pieces, a toddler will step on it one second before you can get to it.
16. Toddlers don’t see trashcans. They see lost and founds.
18. Toddlers never have awkward silences, only nefarious silences.
19. Once you teach your toddler to cover their mouth when they cough, you will just need to get them to stop using your face as the cover.
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