Parents

19 Motherfucking Funny Moms Who Are Barely Keeping It Together

…or who’ve already lost their grip.

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If you haven't used a juice box as a chaser, then you probably haven't reached your lowest point in parenting yet.

— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86)
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Apparently muttering "how about a shutthefuckupasaurus" after the 839th dinosaur question doesn't get you a Parent of the Year award.

— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife)
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Saturday morning wake up: 6:30am Sunday morning wake up: 5:47am Monday morning: 8:12am still sleeping & missed the bus -my kids

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids)
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We plan to be kind patient moms who accept our kids exactly as they are then we see them take 45 mins to eat a goddamn bowl of Lucky Charms.

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart)
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It's fucking exhausting when my kids have their friends over and I have to act like I'm a good parent.

— inappropriate mom (@nicfit75)
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Stay in school, kids. No, I mean really. Don't come home. We need a break.

— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell)
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Let's play a game called How Many Times Will Mommy Repeat Herself Before She Loses Her Shit?

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses)
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When I was 8 yrs old, I walked to school by myself; now you have to hold your kid's hand right up to their first drug deal.

— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat)
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What I say: Get dressed Brush teeth Get in the car What my kids hear: Have a snack Shriek like monkeys Open 3 umbrellas indoors Go poop

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl)
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Before I had kids, I didn't even know it was possible to destroy an entire house with a granola bar.

— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom)
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Me:"If you ever give me another gift with 'some assembly required', you're dead to us." 6:*writing thank you card* But, um.. Me: Write it!

— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist)
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Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.

— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife)
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Daughter: You're invading my personal space Mom: You came out of my personal space

— Moe (@_Mo_lee_)
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New plan. Instead of exercising & eating better, I'm just going to tell everybody I'm 4 months pregnant. For the rest of my life.

— Jenn Harrell Scott (@Jenn_H_Scott)

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