1. This future world leader:
Daughter just told me, "Dad, I don't make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches." One day her picture will be on money.
2. This kid who threw off the shackles:
I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, "I'm NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I've been whispering. Now I'm free!"
3. And this kid whose family is contractually obligated to recognize her fabulousness:
My 6yo got herself dressed then walked around the house making us all sign a paper agreeing that her outfit looked good.
4. This kid who DGAF:
Asked my son to box up his leftover mac and cheese at the restaurant and he put the entire bowl in there and I’m not sure if he’s an idiot or a genius. https://t.co/3EVFt9xkqK
5. And this kid who DGAF what you consider a "portion size":
Me: How many chicken nuggets do you want tonight? 7yo: 100 Me: As a guide, you usually have 4-6 7yo (thinking): 30
6. This kid who is already annoyed with our dumb questions:
toddler *banging his hammer on the coffee table* me: What are you making? toddler: Noise
7. And this kid who is annoyed with how dumb we are in general:
4yo from the other room: I love you, Mama. Me: Aww, I love you too! 4, angrily: No, that was my doll saying it to her mommy!
8. This kid who is like, "Who you gonna believe? Me or your lying eyes?"
Me: Did you just push your sister? 4yo: No. Me: Looked like you did. 4yo: I just gave her a high five with my whole body.
9. This kid who does things her way:
It was princess day at dance and one little girl came as a hot dog I have never admired someone more
10. This kid who is already coming up with better names for things than us:
2yo referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them
11. This kid who doesn't have time for B.S.:
My 5yo on her 1st day of K: "They asked me to count as high as I could. I could've done 200, but I didn't want to waste anyone's time."
12. This kid who already reigns:
A 3 year old just looked me in the eye and said “get me a la croix or get out of my life” and I was like, damn queen ok
13. This kid who (I have a feeling) knew exactly what they were doing:
4: Mommy, you're just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend. Me: Aww! Sure! 4:You can be the Beast. Me: ... 4: Or the fat sea witch!
14. This kid who will tell you to your face when she's about to wreak havoc:
My 3-year-old just announced she was gonna be a rainbow and then disappeared with 15 bottles of nail polish. This isn't going to end well.
15. This kid who knows fashion better than any adult:
A mom brought her young son into the Macy's dressing room, and he's saying things like "Not your best look" and "It makes you lumpy right there," and I want to ask his opinion about these pants.
16. This future billionaire:
My neighbor's 5yo son bought GS cookies for 20% off & sold them for double. He's going to be a billionaire or convict. There's no in between
17. This kid whose dad is in serious trouble:
I lead the after-school drama club at my kid's school. A 1st gr said, "Can you teach me how to act like I'm listening when my dad talks?"
18. This kid who has shit figured out:
4: Teacher says if our house is on fire, you and mommy and firefighters will save us. Me: That’s right. 4: I think I’ll save myself and everyone else should just save my stuff.
19. And this kid who rolls her eyes at your idea of "hard":
My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.