1. By the end of the summer you are ready for it to be OVER:
It's that point during summer where parents are starting to look how teachers looked at the end of the school year.
2. Like, REALLY ready:
My kids don't seem to be as excited as me for the "Back to School Countdown" calendar I created.
3. But getting your kids onboard is a challenge:
Me(motivational voice):Ok guys, who's ready to go back to school?! *Everyone starts crying* Well that didn't go well at all. #BackToSchool
4. You WILL face resistance:
Me: School starts in a few weeks. 6-year-old: Tell them I'm busy. Damn. I didn't know that was an option.
5. And you'll have to pretend you're not as excited as you are:
"I'm so sad, buddy," I tell my son after he asks how I feel about him going back to school in 2 days. My tone is convincing but the big smile on my face kinda gives it away.
6. Or, er, maybe you won't:
Son: Everyone in New Jersey is sad. Husband: Why? Son: Because today's the last day of summer break. Me: [from next room] NOT EVERYONE, KID.
7. Of course, there's plenty of annoying stuff you need to do to get your kid ready — like BTS shopping:
What wine pairs well with back to school supply shopping? Asking for a friend.
8. Which makes your bank account cry:
Back to School shopping, a.k.a: "How can you have outgrown EVERYTHING you wore last year? You mean I have to buy you a whole new wardrobe??"
9. Your kids will want to buy ridiculous things:
Back to school shopping. I sit outside the changing room like Simon Cowell. Sorry, it’s a no from me.
10. Then there's shopping for school supplies, which can get ugly:
Just caught someone trying to steal my kid's school supplies out of our cart at Target. Lady don't even think of taking my $2 plastic ruler.
11. Ditto for school snack shopping:
Me: *buys a year's worth of snacks* OK kids, remember, these are for school. Kids: *have already eaten all the snacks*
12. Not all the shopping is bad, though, LOL:
You know it's Back to School time when moms alone at Target are high-fiving when they pass each other in the aisles.
13. Now about the first day — you might want to practice for it:
Practicing for the first day of school by muttering "we're late," throwing cereal on the floor & making sure every outfit is the wrong one.
14. Because it will be a workout:
Resistance training But me dragging my kids into school.
15. And you'll need to be prepared:
We have an emergency! Tomorrow is the first day of school and we don't have a little chalkboard for our kids to hold for the FB photos.
16. You'll also need to maintain some decorum:
Parenting Tip: Kids will not appreciate pics of you popping champagne corks after you drop them back at school
17. Like, you'll want to be cool:
Every kid I see, I yell BACK TO SCHOOL!! Then laugh. Bye brats 👋🏻
18. Because not every parents feels like you do:
Sorry I gave you a high five when you said your kids went back to school today...I thought you were fake-crying to be funny. My fault.
19. But! Before long your little monsters will be back at school and you'll be able to enjoy it:
The best part of kids going back to school is I can play Fortnite again without getting killed so fast.