Jordan Reid and Erin Williams — authors of the LOL-tastic new book, The Big Fat Activity Book for Pregnant People — shared with us some of the things you should NEVER to say to a pregnant person:
1. “Oh, I know exactly what you’re talking about. When we were preparing to bring home our new puppy, I...”
2. "Will this be your last one?” <Stage whisper> “Because of your age?”
3. “Enjoy every moment! You’ll miss this time when it’s over!”
This is virtually always uttered to a pregnant person who is either vomiting, crying, or experiencing the total desolation of trying to figure out how to put together a fucking bouncy seat.
4. “Oh man, I slept so well last night.”
5. “Calm down.”
Do not say this to a pregnant person. It will not work.
6. “Have you heard that completely natural water births increase the chances of your child attending an Ivy League school by 10,000%? You should look into that.”
7. “You know, you really shouldn’t eat that.”
Oh, shoot. Hold on just one sec while I regurgitate it.
8. “You know, you really need to be taking holy basil leaf supplements/adjusting your omega-3 intake/infusing elderberry extract into your morning decaf matcha.”
9. “Smell this [terrible-smelling thing]. Doesn’t it smell terrible?”
10. “Whoa, are you sure that’s okay for the baby?”
No, she's not sure, because according to the Internet everything is bad for the baby including eating, sleeping, and breathing, and this question only adds additional levels of panic to a person who has already Googled herself into apoplexy.
11. “Are you sure there’s just one in there?! Hahahaha!”
12. “My sister did Pilates all through her pregnancy and only gained 25 pounds!”
13. “What an interesting name! But what will you call them actually?”
14. “So are you freaked out about pushing a watermelon through your vagina?”
Yes. The answer is yes. You do not need to ask this question.
15. “Here, have some vodka!” <Laughs hysterically> “Just kidding.”
16. You look ready to pop!”
Whatever a pregnant person does after you say this to her is acceptable, up to and including taking you the fuck down.