15 Things People Are 100% Sure About Until They Have Kids

Raising kids is so easy before you have them.

1. On food:

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"They’re going to be like, 'Mom! We’re out of asparagus again!' And I'm going to be like, 'You guys and your asparagus!'"

2. On technology:

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"If they get bored I'll keep them engaged with conversation about fine art or some shit."

3. On TV:

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“And when they do finally see a TV they’ll be like, 'What's the point of that when we already have books?'”

4. On going out:

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"That's what Red Bull and babysitters are for, bro!"

5. On scheduling:

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“When my kids get tired they’ll go to bed. It’s not rocket science.”

6. On being cool:

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"I really don't see why I'd have to stop posting 20 times a day in the One Direction fan forum or knowing all of the names of the people on Big Brother.”

7. On patience:

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"Kids are awesome, man! There's no way they could ever annoy me!"

8. On attentiveness:

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“I hate when parents go 'Just a minute, honey.' Just a minute? That's your kid!”

9. On getting out of the house:

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"It’s really not that complicated. I’ll just start getting everyone ready earlier, you know?”

10. On discipline:

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"What I’m going to do is reason with them. My kids are going to be all about reason."

11. On behavior in public:

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“They’re just going to know that misbehaving doesn’t fly with me, you know?”

12. On appearance:

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“I won’t even own any sweatpants."

13. On fitness:

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"There’s no reason having a baby should stop me from doing my two-a-day training.”

14. On social media:

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“I probably won’t even take that many photos. I mean, a baby is a baby. You need, like, one photo a week, if that.”

15. On flying:

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“If I have a wedding to go to or whatever, I’ll just find a trustworthy babysitter who doesn’t charge an arm and a leg. Problem solved.”