17 Adults Who Almost Definitely Regret Talking To Kids
"My name is Michael and at home I poop a lot.”
We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share the funniest, most out-there thing a kid has said to an adult, and let me tell you, friends — they did not disappoint:
1. This attack on a mom:
"I once overheard a little girl tell her mother, 'Let’s pretend this stick is a magic wand, and when I wave it everything is beautiful...even you.”
2. And this attack on a big brother (via their cousin):
"I was out with my 7-year-old cousin when she said to me, 'I just smelled rotting flesh. Kinda reminded me of my brother's room.'"
3. This art teacher's "uh..." moment:
"A second-grade girl was doodling when I asked her what she was drawing. She smiled and said, 'I'm drawing the devil!'"
4. This mall worker who was assaulted by TMI:
"I was giving out candy samples when a little boy introduced himself as 'Michael' and proudly stated, 'At home I poop a lot.' I congratulated him and gave him a double sample."
5. Whoever was on the other side of this question:
"I heard a kid ask, 'Are you a serial killer? Who likes Del Taco?!'”
6. This dad who sleeps with one eye open:
"I saw a 4-year-old threaten his dad with, 'Daddy, I'm gonna climb in your nose hairs.'"
7. This camp counselor's awkward moment:
"7-year-old, pointing at the tampon dispenser: 'Why is there a lipstick vending machine in the bathroom?'
Me: 'That is a question for your parents.'”
8. This uncle who almost died of cute:
At lunch, my dad jokingly asked my 3-year-old niece to pass him the giant platter of fruit, and she said, 'I’m sorry, I can’t, I’m too 3!'”
9. And this auntie who also almost died of cute:
My 5-year-old nephew had a cold and asked me for a drink. When I asked him what he wanted, he replied, 'Dr. Pepper because it's DOCTOR Pepper.'"
10. This weirded-out big sister:
I asked my 5-year-old sister what she wanted for her birthday and she responded, “Two bottles of milk and a dead owl!”
11. This nanny's tale:
"I was walking past an overgrown hedge with a 4-year-old when I said, 'Be careful, there might be a dragon in there.' The 4-year-old said, 'Miss Stephanie, no one has seen a dragon around here in over 40 years.'"
—Stephanie Teig, Facebook
12. And this table full of adults' moment:
"On Christmas Eve, my 5-year-old cousin loudly asked, 'When is Jesus coming?' as if he would be joining us for dinner."
13. These concerned adults, LOL:
At snack time a child opened their juice box, took a giant sip, and went, 'Mmmmhmmm. Nice, cold alcohol.' All of us adults in the room turned to look at the child who said, 'My mom says that all the time when she drinks.'"
14. This cousin who definitely regrets asking:
"I asked my 4-year-old cousin what she wanted to be when she grew up. Her answer: 'A clock face!'"
15. This first grade teacher's rejection:
"The teacher was putting stickers on completed assignments, and when she got to my son, he said, 'No thanks. My work doesn’t need accessories.'”
16. And this first grade teacher's FYI:
"I was a teacher's assistant when a first grader told the teacher she could've saved money on the classroom’s smart board if she'd used Credit Karma."
17. And this uncle who is probably hungry now:
"My husband used to say, 'You wanna piece of me?' to our nephew, and then they would play box. One day, when our nephew was about 4, he approached my husband with his fists up, saying, 'You wanna piece of meat? You wanna piece of cheese?'"
Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.