1.“I saved the rest of the kid’s leftover mac and cheese just for you.”
2.“No, babe. Let me change this blowout diaper.”
3.“You know what I'm going to do right now? I’m going to help the kid find her lost shoe.”
4."Wondering why the washing machine is on? It’s because the toddler peed the bed during his nap, and I changed the sheets without making you help me."
5."No, you keep your phone. She can play Toca Boca on mine."
6."The kids are asleep and the internet is down, so…"
7.“Another Chipmunks movie is coming out but you’re not going to hear one peep out of those high-pitched little rats. ‘Cause I’m taking the kids.”
8."The kid had a night terror so I’m going to lie on the floor next to her bed until she falls asleep so you don’t have to."
9."I’m going to think of our kid's punishment for talking back all by myself."
10."Why is the sky is blue? I got this."
11."I’ll handle the whining, you handle the wine."
12."You go get a Dole Whip. I’ll wait in line with the kids to go on Peter Pan’s Flight."
13."I’m not only going to the store to get groceries, but I’m taking the kids with me so you can watch your shows."
14."You know that sippy cup you found with curdled milk in it? I cleaned it out. Real good."
15."You’re not going to hear the kids say, 'I’m hungry!' once. Because every time they do I’m going to feed them.”
16.“I’m going to watch the six-year-old’s improvised dance to 'Uptown Funk' so you don’t have to."
17."I just changed the carseat into the other car."
