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BuzzFeed Staff, Australia

We Can Tell Where You Last Had Sex In Just Five Questions

You removed the 12 throw pillows on top of your bed and placed them into your blanket box to do the deed. You like your sex quick, classic, and clean. You’re all about efficiency so that you can snuggle up in bed and catch the latest episode of _Law & Order: SVU_ before knocking out at a respectable 10pm for a bright and early wake-up the next day.

In your queen bed surrounded by all your decorative pillows!

When the mood strikes, you do anything to get it done! You probably did it up against the semi-mouldy, kinda-wet brick wall or on top of a deconstructed cardboard box that looked like it had rat droppings on it, but you were willing to take the risk. Go you, get it done! I’m sure the puddle you were lying in was water and definitely not piss. (It was probably piss.)

In a dingy, dark alleyway a few blocks from your house!

Oh, you thought doing the nasty on the rock formation on the beach would prevent sand getting all up in your crevices? SIKE, you were wrong. You got sand fucking everywhere. You got sand in places you didn’t know sand could go. You STILL have sand everywhere. I hope the sex was worth it, because you’re going to be hella sandy for days, months, maybe even years.

On a really sandy rock ledge on a beach!

Wow, the mile-high club got a new member! You know everyone knows what you did in there, right? Everyone watched you and your ~special friend~ enter that tiny room, and unlucky for you someone took a massive fucking shit right before you walked in. Your foot fell in the toilet, you probably twisted your ankle, and at the same time the “fasten seatbelt” sign started flashing mid-bang. Shit go.

In an aeroplane bathroom!

When the shitbox is a-rockin, don’t come a-knockin! You tried to do it like they do in the movies but very quickly realised that cars don’t actually have much room for the steamy bang sesh you were hoping to have. It was too cold with the windows down, and way too hot with them up, so you decided to turn on the AC, which killed your car battery and resulted in a pricey tow truck and a whole lot of embarrassment.

In the backseat of your 1998 that’s on the brink of losing a tyre!

Your parents invited you and your partner over for a nice home-cooked meal. It was getting late and you decided to stay the night and squeeze into your metal-frame single bed. The mood struck, you turned Mr. Cuddles around to face the wall, and your parents pretended that the squeaking they heard was coming from the neighbours house. Mate, your parents and Mr. Cuddles knew exactly what the fuck you were doing. For shame.

In your childhood bed at your parents' house!

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We Can Tell Where You Last Had Sex In Just Five Questions

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