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37 Really Fucking Infuriating Things Most Aussies Have Experienced

Summer TV: Cricket and Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs.

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1. Taking your thongs off at the beach and having to bolt to the shade because the sand is approximately 47°C hotter than you expected.

2. Waiting for a train on a hot-ass day and seeing a 7th century express with no air-con come whizzing down the tracks.

3. Having tomato sauce drip down the front of your shirt every single time you eat a sausage sizzle.

4. And realising that sauce costing you extra is way more common than you getting it for free.

5. Gearing up for a Vegemite on toast, and seeing specks of butter and old bread scattered all through the jar.

6. Wearing thongs and having someone step on the back of them, causing a blowout.

7. Parking in the sun on a hot day and burning all the skin off your palms as you try to handle the boiling steering wheel.

8. And being branded by the metal part of your seatbelt as you sit down in your nice and steamy car.

9. Getting attacked by a bunch of 'gulls every time you try to enjoy some fish and chips by the beach.

10. Or trying to have a nice summer BBQ and being swarmed by all the flies in a 10km radius.

11. Having mad confidence that the bitumen isn’t THAT hot, so you walk on it without shoes and blister your whole damn foot.

12. Going on a road trip and seven hours later realising you’re still in the same state.

13. Sitting in the Macca's drive-thru on an absolute scorcher of a day to be told 20 minutes later that the ice cream machine is broken.

14. Having an artist announce they're touring Australia for them to only visit Sydney, Melbourne, and Brisbane.

15. Reheating a meat pie in the microwave and having the centre be ice cold and the outside piping hot.


16. Or getting one at the servo and it being so hot that you somehow burn every single part of your mouth.

17. Being excited by online shopping prices before realising it's not set to Australian dollars.

18. Spending ages putting an online order through, only to get to the shipping window and find out it's set to US-only delivery.

19. Or discovering that they do ship to Australia... for $50/kg.

20. Hearing the world talk about a "white Christmas" while you’re sweating balls in your red satin boxers and novelty singlet from Big-W.

21. Typing out words like "colour" and "favourite" online, and getting dragged for not knowing how to spell.

22. Being kept awake at night by the 16 mozzies that came into your room when all you did was open your window to let the breeze in.

23. Walking on grass and taking the risk that your feet will be stabbed 310 tiny times.


24. And going for a walk in spring and not being sure if you’ll make it out alive or be swooped to death.

25. Hitting the play button on a video you're hella excited to watch and having it stop after three seconds thanks to geo-blocking.

26. Witnessing the abomination that was the change of the Hi-5 and Wiggles cast into whatever they are now.

27. And seeing Bob the Builder and Bananas in Pyjamas become mere shadows of what they once were.

28. Being excited for the beach but getting there and seeing the sand and sea riddled with bluebottles and seaweed.

29. And looking like a perfectly-cooked lobster after being in the sun for just five minutes when you forget to put on sunscreen.

30. Hearing tourists say things like "G'day mate" to you, and not knowing how to politely tell them to just stop.

31. And being told you swear too much like it isn't a major part of being a fucken' Aussie.

32. Finding big-ass clumps of Milo in the tin because some unruly monster dunked a wet spoon in it.

33. And picking up a Weet-Bix brick and finding those weird moth things on it because some idiot didn't shut the box properly.

34. Taking off your thongs and realising that you have a thong tan that you're never going to be able to get rid of.

35. Or putting your thongs on and seeing your sock tan is far worse than your thong tan could ever be.

36. Sitting in front of the TV on your summer holidays and finding out the only thing on TV is the bloody cricket and Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs.

37. And worst of all, seeing just how damn much a house is going to cost and resigning to the fact you’ll never get one.

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