Hello world, I'm Michelle and even though I'm lazy AF, I love food and like to cook.
Don't believe me? Well, this is me winning a live giant doughnut eating competition.
Anyway, because my ass is always hungry and lazy, I decided to see if any of those microwave recipes on Pinterest actually work.
Naturally I decided to start with the most important meal of the day: breakfast. So I picked out six different recipes to whip up and microwave the shit out of.
1.
The idea: It's a pretty simple concept, really. Mix a couple of eggs with a splash of water in a bowl, add your desired omelette toppings, and microwave for a few minutes until cooked through. Foolproof, right?
Did it work: HELL YEAH IT DID.
The results: So, my workmate makes scrambled microwave eggs all the time, and I always thought "seems gross, but ok" but honestly, these eggs were GREAT. While still in the mug it looked pretty foul, so I poured the eggs onto a plate and sprinkled some spring onion on it for the ~aesthetic~ and it didn’t look half-bad. My co-workers ate it all and I even made more for them the next day! But beware because the mug gets really HOT, which was my first lesson in microwaved meals.
2.
The idea: As with all French toast, the bread has to be buttery and soaked in all that flavourful egg goodness to get that ultimate crisp outside. So I was skeptical, because this recipe is so simple. You just need to whisk some egg, milk, cinnamon, and syrup together, then stuff the buttered bread cubes into the mug and microwave it.
Did it work: I mean, sorta.
The results: First things first, it went in looking like a mouldy pile of slop and came out a few minutes later looking like big ballsack of bullshit. Like with the omelette, I tried my best to spread the ball down and make it look somewhat appetising by shaving some chocolate on top. It tasted... fine. It had the flavour of French toast but was really mushy, especially because I feel French toast has a distinct crunch to it. Plus, my mug cracked so make sure yours is actually microwave-safe. This was my next lesson in microwaved meals.
3.
The idea: These English muffins are actually paleo, vegan, and gluten-free, but none of those things are my vibe and I've not got the time or funds to be buying fancy ingredients. So I just subbed out those ingredients for regular ones. This cooking process is a bit more complex than others. It requires melting your butters separately, mixing your dry ingredients together, then combining them all with egg and milk before microwaving them in an oiled ramekin. Trust me, I know it's a lot.
Did it work: In the words of Randy Jackson, "it's a no from me, dawg".
The results: I mean... look. Mine was NOTHING like the original. It went in looking pretty good but somehow emerged looking like a hockey puck. I literally took it out and just laughed. Like it's suggested, I cut the English muffin, if you can call it that, in half and toasted it before slathering it in peanut butter. It was kinda gummy in texture, looked undercooked no matter how much it was toasted, and just had no real flavour. Was it better than a store-bought one? Definitely not. Was it better than eating nothing? Sure, I guess.
4.
The idea: The "Mugrito" process is pretty similar to the omelette one, except it's all just done inside of a tortilla. You're meant to place a tortilla in a mug, crack a few eggs in and whisk together, then add your breakfast burrito fillings before whacking in the microwave. Then you top it with sour cream and salsa, if that's your style.
Did it work: A BIG DELICIOUS YES.
The results: I tested this recipe after the omelette one, so I already knew how much of a blessing microwave eggs were to this world. I was wary that microwaving the tortilla would make it hard and chewy but tbh, it only got tough in the bottom corners where the tortilla bunched up. However, I did have to cook the eggs a lot longer than the suggested minute-and-a-half because they were still runny and because our work microwave is shit. So I kinda overcooked the bottom of it, but even with that the Mugrito was DELICIOUS.
5.
The idea: This recipe takes a little longer than the others, but it's essentially just a sweet quinoa. You're meant to cook the quinoa with butter and cinnamon to give it flavour, then serve it in milk with some banana, maple syrup, and cinnamon to taste. I think of quinoa as the same as couscous and rice, so this recipe scared me.
Did it work: For me no, for you maybe.
The results: I'm not a fan of quinoa in its normal savoury state, so this recipe was not the one for me, but that doesn't mean it didn't work. The general idea of eating quinoa like it's cereal in milk hurts my soul. To me the quinoa still tasted... well, like quinoa, so I couldn't enjoy it, but hey, at least it didn't look too bad after it was cooked and plated. During the cooking stage though? Not so much.
6.
The idea: This was the most complex recipe of the lot, which is why I left it for last. I've come to discover any recipe with the word "paleo" in it is just code for complex. Plus, you need a blender for this recipe which I didn't realise when I picked it. The crêpes alone, without the filling and chocolate drizzle, are simple enough. Blend your eggs, flour, baking powder, and salt together, spread it on some baking paper, and microwave for half a minute.
Did it work: YES. I'm shook. THEY WORKED SO WELL.
The results: WELL, SOMEONE CALL THE FOOD NETWORK AND TELL THEM I NEED A MICROWAVE COOKING SHOW, STAT. Do you see that plate of crêpes?? I'm still shocked. The mix went into the microwave looking terrible, like so terrible that someone came into the kitchen and laughed at the pile of watery garbage on the plate. After about 45 seconds, I took the bad boy out and it still looked... not good. But I soon realised that after you peel the mix off the plate, there's a presentable side, and just WOW. Alone they tasted like nothing, but if you make the strawberry-chia seed filling and chocolate sauce, it is AMAZING. But those elements took a while to make, and tbh, a cheeky smear of Nutella will pretty much do the same job.
(P.S. You're meant to use baking paper but i couldn't find any so I just sprayed a plate with cooking oil and it worked just fine.👌)
So there you have it, it was much less of a shitshow than I thought it would be. Now go on and feast with your tiny radiation boxes!
