At first glance he may look like your average elf: probably from a small town, nice parents, good education.
Sure, he's a bit strange.
But nonetheless harmless, right??
It all started when a couple of Barbies denied Elf on the Shelf's Christmas offering.
The rejection stung and the once jolly Christmas elf was left with nothing but a deep, unguided anger.
He became reclusive — spending most of his time alone, drinking and chain-smoking, wondering about his real purpose on Earth.
It wasn't long before his behavior began to spiral out of control.
Every night was a new blackout, a new horror.
Things he once loved turned into things he hated.
Run-ins with the law were frequent occurences.
He became a different person entirely.
It was all really just a desperate cry for help.
But before anyone could do anything, it was too late.
Friendships were severed.
Grandmothers were corrupted.
So this Christmas, make sure to hide yo' kids.
And hide yo' husband.
Because no one is safe as long as this guy's on a shelf.