If you haven't read Harry Potter and The Cursed Child, you should stop right now because this post is riddled with spoilers.
1. My goodness, I can't believe I have a brand new Harry Potter book in my hands.
2. OK, sure, it's not a new novel, it's a script.
3. Whatever, it's a continuation of Harry's story and I AM SO PUMPED ABOUT IT.
4. OK, let me calm down and actually start reading.
5. Aww, it picks up right where the epilogue of Deathly Hallows ends!
6. To be honest, Dumbledore was great and all, but I cannot believe Harry named his son after him.
7. This feels so weird, yet kind of exciting hearing Harry, Ron, and Hermione talk about their children.
8. I feel like I'm catching up with old friends!
9. I really hope Albus meets friends on the Hogwarts Express like Harry did, because I will lose it.
10. Rose is so much like Hermione it's actually scary.
11. I also didn't expect Scorpius Malfoy to be so...charming, especially considering his family line.
12. Ah, back at Hogwarts, just in time for the Sorting Ceremony.
13. I honestly think the Sorting Hat's songs have gotten worse over the years.
14. HOW. COULD. HARRY. POTTER'S. SON. BE. SORTED. INTO. SLYTHERIN?!
15. I'm not sure I like this story anymore.
16. Oh wow, the time is moving VERY fast. We're in Year 3 already?! K.
17. Whoa, I can see how being Harry Potter's son could be a hard thing to live up to, but that doesn't mean destroy your Hogsmeade permission slip!
18. Also, I wonder how James manages, yet Albus seems so torn.
19. But I guess I'd be torn if I were sorted into Slytherin too, especially when the rest of your family is Gryffindor.
20. I LOVE HOW HERMIONE IS SUCH A BADASS MINISTER OF MAGIC.
21. But honestly, would you expect anything less? She was the smartest witch in her year.
22. This scene with Amos Diggory is heartbreaking, for him and Harry, in different ways though.
23. And who is Delphi?! That's so random.
24. Thinking about Cedric and the Triwizard Tournament has made me a lot more emotional than I imagined!
25. OK, Harry is SO WRONG for giving James the Invisibility Cloak while he gave Albus his old childhood blanket.
26. No wonder the poor kid feels neglected.
27. Harry mentioned it in passing, but I can't believe Aunt Petunia is DEAD.
28. She wasn't too nice, however, it's still shocking.
29. OK, now we're up to Year 4 for Albus. This story is flying by!
30. OK, what the HELL is going on with the Trolley Witch. When did she become so aggressive?!
31. Sweets that are secretly grenades?! OK, girl.
32. Also, Albus CANNOT SERIOUSLY BE THINKING OF GOING BACK IN TIME TO SAVE CEDRIC DIGGORY.
33. Well, I guess they're really doing this. No way.
34. Did they really just jump from the Hogwarts Express?!
35. And now they're teaming up with this Delphi person?! Whyyyyy?!
36. It sucks that people tease Scorpius about being the son of Lord Voldemort.
37. Who would even sleep with Voldemort?!
38. How in the world does Delphi conveniently have Polyjuice Potion, especially considering it takes months to brew!
39. Albus, Scorpius, and Delphi sneaking into the Ministry of Magic is giving me MAJOR Order of The Phoenix flashbacks.
40. OK, I know he was disguised as Ron, but Albus kissing his aunt (Hermione) is kind of disgusting.
41. I love how Bane is still as unhelpful as he was when Harry was a kid.
42. It's so wild that these two kids would travel back to the Triwizard Tournament, and now they've ruined everything.
43. RON, PADMA, AND PANJU?! THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
44. This scene where Harry goes off on Professor McGonagall is uncalled for.
45. Such a low blow to say she never had children.
50. It's kind of funny to imagine Harry and Draco dueling at the age of 40.
51. I must say, I love grown-up Draco more than kid Draco. He's so much more thoughtful than you would've imagined.
52. Is it just me or does it sometimes seem like Albus and Scorpius like each other in a non-friend kind of way?!
53. There is a romance there! Let it blossom, boys.
54. This script is actually stressing me out.
55. These guys are going back in time AGAIN. This time to the second task of the Triwizard Tournament.
56. Someone's gonna die, I feel it.
57. WHAT IS VOLDEMORT DAY?!
58. Yeah, this is totally fucked up because how is Dolores Umbridge headmaster of Hogwarts.
59. And what is an Augurey?!
60. This has gone too far. Mudbloods in dungeons?! A Blood Ball?!
61. For Voldemort and Valor?! I AM NOT WELL.
62. Snape is ALIVE in this world? That's cool except for the fact that Harry Potter, ya know, the boy who lived is not alive.
63. And Ron and Hermione are hiding inside of Whomping Willow!
64. Snape is still terrible. How dare he say that Hermione was a "moderate to average" student.
65. Thankfully, Scorpius was able to coax Snape into helping him attempt to set this whole Time-Turner business straight.
66. Leave it to Hermione to fix the MASSIVE MESS that Albus and Scorpius have caused.
67. But wait, no, Dementors performed the kiss on her and Ron?!
68. Hurry and get out of this alternate time, Scorpius!!
69. OK, thank goodness that worked. Now get out of the lake and go HOME.
70. Professor McGonagall is SO right for telling Scorpius and Albus off.
71. Finally, they've decided to destroy the Time-Turner. Should've done that a long time ago.
72. Oh, of course this Delphi person turns out to be a complete psychopath. Wonderful.
73. Meanwhile, no one thought it was suspicious that Amos Diggory had this random relative taking care of him?
74. And now Delphi wants to use the Time-Turner to return to the night Cedric Died?! THIS IS TOO MUCH.
75. She is insane.
76. Like, how was everyone deceived by this person?!
77. Seeing Cedric save Albus and Scorpius is sad when you consider he's about to die (even though he doesn't know it).
78. Wait. So let me get this straight: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Draco just found out Voldemort had a CHILD?! A DAUGHTER?!
79. I feel like I am in an alternate reality right now.
80. So now she's taken Albus and Scorpius to Godric's Hollow because she wants to meet her father.
81. This is actually insane.
82. Also, if she was born right before the Battle of Hogwarts, how did Bellatrix recover in time to fight?!
83. So genius for Albus and Scorpius to think of using the blanket to send a message to Harry.
84. Great, now they're all in Godric's Hollow, ready to hopefully defeat Voldemort's spawn.
85. I still cannot believe this is real.
86. Of course Harry's the one that volunteers to become Voldy.
87. And he's doing such a good job of tricking Delphi.
88. Oh great, the transfiguration has worn off. Help!
89. I swear if Harry dies because his son wanted to time travel, I am done with this fandom.
90. OK, great. The enemy has been subdued.
91.But now we have to see Harry suffer AGAIN as Voldemort kills his parents.
92. This is sick and I want to close this book now.
93. OK, so Delphi will be locked up in Azkaban and hopefully that's the last we see of her.
94. And I'm super happy Harry and his son are working on their relationship.
95. Seriously, I know Scorpius likes Rose, but hopefully it's all a guise because he SEEMS like he's in love with Albus.
96. Well, that was certainly a wild ride.