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22 Reasons "Love Actually" Is Not A Good Movie

More like NOT actually love.

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1. There's this dude and he's terrible. One of his first lines in the film is "Try my lovely nuts."

And, like, it's also annoying he feels he is entitled to having a woman. Bruh.
StudioCanal

And, like, it's also annoying he feels he is entitled to having a woman. Bruh.

2. Later in the film he's all like, "I'm Colin, god of sex." He also blames his troubles on British women.

Hmm. Maybe it's you, sir?
StudioCanal

Hmm. Maybe it's you, sir?

3. And then there's this guy named Mark. Yeah, really cool of you to lay some moves on your best friend's wife!

StudioCanal

4. Which is interesting considering earlier in the film he was very mean to her, almost like he was a child in grade school.

Who shows affection to their crushes by putting them down?
StudioCanal

Who shows affection to their crushes by putting them down?

5. And that creepy, creepy wedding video. No. Just...no.

StudioCanal
StudioCanal

6. And then there's Professor Snape — wait, er, Harry (Alan Rickman). He's terrible because of several reasons...

StudioCanal

7. First he brings Sarah (Laura Linney) into his office to pry into her love life and says that her crush is obvious to the entire office.

StudioCanal

8. And then practically forces an employee to engage in sexual relations with a co-worker. What boss endorses that?

HR violation, right?
StudioCanal

HR violation, right?

9. There's also Mia. She's just blatantly flirtatious with a married man, but it's not her fault alone because Harry engages.

StudioCanal

10. Harry buys Mia a gift. A really expensive necklace.

StudioCanal

11. And he gets his "brilliant" wife a freakin' Joni Mitchell album. Um...nah!

StudioCanal

12. Basically a lot of the men in this movie are terrible, and Billy Bob Thornton, who plays the president of the United States, may be the worst.

I get that he's probably written to be terrible, but did he have to be a womanizer, too?
StudioCanal

I get that he's probably written to be terrible, but did he have to be a womanizer, too?

13. Since when is harassment cool?

Poor Natalie. :(
StudioCanal

Poor Natalie. :(

14. To make matters worse for Natalie, David is like let's "redistribute" her. Because he can't control his emotions* around the people he works with.

Penis*
StudioCanal

Penis*

15. And then then he shows up to her house to "save" her.

StudioCanal
StudioCanal

You're the reason she's out of a job anyway.

16. Honestly, the whole movie has weird employer/employee boundaries that are crossed.

StudioCanal
StudioCanal
StudioCanal

Note: Why are all of the women wearing red? Does this mean something?

17. Why does everyone keep calling Natalie "fat"?

Because she is far from that — and even if she were, that's fine too.
StudioCanal

Because she is far from that — and even if she were, that's fine too.

18. Daniel is mourning his wife's death and Karen thinks this is an appropriate thing to say:

Um, no. You do NOT say this shit to people who are grieving! Let them fucking grieve!
StudioCanal

Um, no. You do NOT say this shit to people who are grieving! Let them fucking grieve!

19. Admit it. If someone you barely knew broke through airport security to see you right before you got on a plane, you'd call the police. That is not love, people. It's creepy.

Nor is it ~cute~ because he's a kid.
StudioCanal.

Nor is it ~cute~ because he's a kid.

20. For a movie about love, most of these relationships are based purely on physical attraction. Which is fine, but like, a big part of love is communication!

StudioCanal
StudioCanal

21. When Jamie learned Portuguese for Aurélia, the FIRST THING he says to her is not "Hey, I like you" or even "Let's go on a date." No. He asks her to MARRY HIM.

StudioCanal

22. And finally, the cover of "All I Want For Christmas Is You" is terrible.

The sound of children singing this song is grating to my ears. Like, it should be against the law for anyone to cover this Christmas classic! Let's only play Mariah's version from now until the end of time.
StudioCanal

The sound of children singing this song is grating to my ears. Like, it should be against the law for anyone to cover this Christmas classic! Let's only play Mariah's version from now until the end of time.

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