1. Wait, do you mean filet mignon?
2. Nope. Chlamydia definitely begins with a C.
3. What is happening? Wounds, right? That's what time heals.
4. LOL, nope.
5. At least you're not going through menopause.
6. Yep, I'm sure Missouri loves the company of Kansas and Arkansas.
7. Oh, yeah. Forgot there was a non-racist way for a white person to use this derogatory term.
8. Francis Scott Key is somewhere shaking his head at this foolishness.
9. You can't make this stuff up.
10. The irony of this tweet, though.
12. *flips table*
14. So...you've transformed into Arthur the Aardvark? Wow.
15. You ingested an entire bird so that you could sleep?
16. Let us take a moment to pray for the youths.
17. Gosh, who knew it was this easy to keep stalkers at bay? Just give 'em a little attention!
18. Oh no, stop using all of the paprika! We're running low.
19. TBH, it is pretty tough being put on a pedestal.
20. Inevitable perhaps?
21. C'mon, sir. ::sigh::
Post inspired by this Tumblr.