15 Hilarious Puke Horror Stories That'll Make You Die Of Secondhand Embarrassment
That awkward moment when you begin to blow chunks unexpectedly.
I worked in a nursing home straight out of high school, and one of the residents had a serious bowel infection, making her poo smell absolutely rancid. Three of us went in to change her, with masks on, only to find the entire bed covered in poop. My pregnant co-worker immediately started vomiting in her mask. That set the rest of us off vomiting while scrambling to get masks off and find a bathroom. By the time all was said and done, we were covered in vomit and poop. I was never so glad to throw away a pair of scrubs.
2. Colleen Coman (Facebook)
Six months pregnant, driving separately to a restaurant to get lunch with the hubs. One cough, and then vomit everywhere. On the dashboard, on the steering wheel, on my shirt, in the vents, in the cup holders, and in my lap. I was able to find a plastic bag after my third heave, but by then I was done. Get to the restaurant and my husband pulls up next to me as I'm hysterically crying. Luckily, I had a change of clothes with me, so I put my puke clothes in the empty-of-puke plastic bag and he began the two-hour-long process of cleaning the inside of my car. True love.
3. Christy Lockstein (Facebook)
Went trick-or-treating with my best friend, and I must have eaten something awful. I woke up seriously nauseous around 3 in the morning. Her bedroom layout was a bit odd. The bed was on a high platform, about 4½ feet tall, and was tucked tightly into a corner. The only way off was to jump on the floor directly to the right of it, but the area was very narrow. I was sleeping on the bed, and my friend was on the floor. And they didn't have electricity, so I couldn't turn on a light. I tried to call my friend's name to wake her up, but when I opened my mouth, I projectile vomited all over the bed, and down on to her. She woke up suddenly covered in puke. And I couldn't stop puking, so it just kept coming. I spent the next few hours puking with diarrhea until my parents came to pick me up the next morning. Clearly she didn't hold it against me, because we are still friends today.
So me and this guy had been fooling around for a while and, let me just say, he was…gifted. One day, I was going down on him and decided to take it all the way. But then my gag reflex, you know, reflexed. I could feel it coming up so I covered my mouth and practically threw up in my hands. But, of course, it leaked through my fingers onto him. I was absolutely mortified. We both sat there in shock for like a minute. I started crying and apologizing over and over again and he just kept telling me that it's OK and we could just wash it off in the shower. He was very nice about it, but to this day I'm still terribly embarrassed.
5. Natasha Seymour (Facebook)
So my fiancé and I were just recently engaged, and we went to his parents' house to celebrate Christmas late (this was in January; we had been engaged for less than a month), and there was a ton of food. I had a couple different dips, buffalo chicken, spinach artichoke, etc., then took a nap on the couch with said fiancé. When I woke up, I felt incredibly hot, and not in a good way, as well as super nauseated. I decided it was because I was in a sweater and jeans and had been under a blanket and just got too hot. On the way back to my parents' house, we stopped and got something cold to drink, and I still did not feel great.
When we got to my parents' house, I left my fiancé in the living room with my parents and went to change into something cooler. I think got a glass of ice water and sat down on the couch, dressed as if it were the middle of summer. Sign number two that something was wrong: the sweating and the rumble in my stomach. You know the rumble. All of a sudden, I got the overwhelming feeling I was going to puke. Not wanting to alarm my fiancé (or cause him to run for the hills), I stood up casually and said, "I'll be right back" before sauntering out of the living room.
Once I rounded the corner where he couldn't see me from the couch, I took off running, threw open the bathroom door, and hurled myself at the toilet to throw up. The velocity of me hurling myself onto a tile floor caused me to miss slightly on my way down. After throwing up three times, I looked up to see puke across the wall, and down to see that my knees were already bruising from the force of hitting the ground. Then there was a hesitant knock on the door and my fiancé said, "Are you OK? Or did you just exorcise a demon?"
All's well that ends well, I suppose. I threw up the rest of the night, but he still decided to marry me. Ah, love.
I was 6 or 7 years old, on a family vacation to Disney World. We were gathered up on the train platform to watch the night parade. I started to get sick, I told my mom we needed to find a bathroom. Unfortunately most of them were full or closed, and I had to run down main street at Disney, with my mom, puking during the parade to find a bathroom. Horrified at best!
7. Alison Casey (Facebook)
I moved from Minnesota to New York for work. I had met a bartender, and at that point we had been dating for four months. Some USA hockey coaches from Minnesota were in town and were drinking at the bar my boyfriend worked at. He knew I missed home, so he texted me to come down and meet them. I proceeded to drink heavily and take tequila bombs with the coaches because I was so excited to see and mingle with people from Minnesota — it was a rarity!!
The next morning I could barely move and was still heavily intoxicated when I woke up for work. I called in sick to work and was on the verge of dying/puking all day. My boyfriend took care of me but had to run errands and work a shift at a restaurant. The only movie he had was The Departed — which is a horrible movie to watch when you're nauseous. When my boyfriend came home, he made me eat soup, which I did while watching everyone die in The Departed.
All of a sudden I got hot and queasy. It hit me and I ran into the bathroom. At first all I did was a No. 2, but then the heat hit me again and I needed to puke. I yelled out to my boyfriend to get a garbage bag because his bathroom garbage was a rattan basket. Unfortunately, he didn't make it in time — and I puked in the basket, which had holes, so all my puke spewed out and ended up on me and all over the bathroom. Mind you, I was still going No. 2, and not the nice kind — this was diarrhea. I continued being sick AT BOTHS ENDS, AT THE SAME TIME, WHILE CRYING!! My boyfriend just looked at me and laughed.
He cleaned up me and put me to bed. After he cleaned his bathroom he came into the bedroom and said, "This is how you know I love you, because I cleaned up your puke." That night he went out and bought a ginormous plastic garbage can so we'd never have to go through that again.
We went to the fair on my 14th birthday. I ended up riding the zipper with a complete stranger because the friends I was with were (understandably) afraid they would puke. Once the ride got going, I proceeded to puke almost immediately — all over myself and the stranger sitting next to me. The ride spins and flips you upside-down multiple times. Me and the stranger were basically tossed like Shake'N Bake with my vomit. After we got off and were completely covered, the carnie hosed us off and my mom had to take me to the mall to buy me some new clothes. She gave the stranger some money as well.
9. Danielle Day (Facebook)
I was in middle school. I was riding the bus to school one morning and I started coughing so much that it made me gag. I knew vomit was next, and since I had my hands over my mouth from coughing already, I just threw up in them. Then, in all my infinite wisdom, I thought, I bet I could swallow it back down and no one will know that I ever threw up.
The first chunk slid back down my throat, and as you can imagine, just made me throw up again, and this time I let it go — all over the seat, all over the aisle, and on some shoes. WORST. TIME. EVER.
We were in my 11th-grade English class, watching the movie To Kill a Mockingbird. My desk was in the back, near the teacher's. All of a sudden, one of my classmates walked over to the teacher, said his name, and violently threw up into the trash can next to the teacher's desk. It sounded like he was sobbing. The teacher awkwardly patted him on the back and said, "You know, you're ruining the movie for everyone else."
11. Jessica Lynn Smith (Facebook)
My worst puke story happened even before my fiancé proposed to me — seriously, we weren't even living together at the time! But that's not how this story starts off...
So, it's one of my good friend's 21st birthday. We all get dressed up, looking hot to go to the Usher concert, and then to the Power and Light District afterward. Well...while Trey Songz is performing, I feel the urge to puke/shit my brains out. I haul ass to the nearest bathroom, and, of course, there's a line out the door. I'm literally holding my mouth and butt because I've got to "release" that badly.
Finally I make it to a stall; sit down, release, look on either side of me (can't find anything to puke into), and just let out a huge amount of the grossest-looking vomit ever on my left. I. Am. Mortified. Seriously, I've never been so embarrassed in my life. I kept hearing everyone saying, "Oh my dod, that girl is sooooo drunk." Um, actually I've only had two beers on a full stomach... Definitely not drunk.
I call my fiancé to let him know what happened, and he instantly said, "Uh, sounds like you've got food poisoning. Especially since it came all at once and from both ends." Lovely. I'm literally 30 minutes away, at a concert that just started, and now I have to suffer through it.
I puked/crapped like four more times before my loving soon-to-be husband came and picked me up. It was like clockwork — every hour on the hour. Lesson learned: Don't eat lobster bisque.
This happened during the early stages of my pregnancy last year. I got weird cravings, and it just so happened that I craved a burrito and cherry limeade that day. My fiancé was in the living room playing The Last of Us, and I was watching it when I started to feel sick. I put it off for as long as possible because I knew it was going to be disgusting, but soon I ended up throwing up chunks of cherry limeade-stained bean burrito. And since it was made with flour tortilla, which gets kind of sticky when wet, I also experienced the added bonus of chunks getting stuck in my throat, causing me to gag for a while. Puke tastes disgusting coming up no matter what you've eaten or had to drink, but this was probably the worst flavor of puke that I've personally experienced. The next day felt like I had gotten a serious ab workout, and I also had small bursted blood vessels around my eyes. To this day I associate The Last of Us (and also Bioshock Infinite) with many wonderful trips to the toilet.
13. Michelle Regna
On the way to the allergist, I consumed a whole bag of Utz salt and vinegar chips. At the allergist, they were doing under-the-skin tests, so they stuck about 14 needles in my arm, put on Jurassic Park, and left me there. Before I knew it, I was throwing up for the first time in seven years.
They had to inject me with other things to stop the allergic reaction and then cover me with random coats to keep me warm.
It was a bad day, but good news is I still love salt and vinegar chips.
I was seeing X-Men: First Class on opening night. Three girls came in a little after me and sat to my right, with one seat as a buffer. They were cool because they had a four-pack of some peach-colored wine. Amazing.
Roughly halfway through the movie, the girl in the seat nearest me leans over and throws up all over the floor and just sits there. Neither of her friends ask her if she was OK, and not a single person got up to use the restroom. She literally put her feet up on the bar in front of her and acted like nothing had happened. A few minutes later she threw up again, into an empty cup (you know how large movie theater cups are). This time she left for the restroom, but neither of her friends went with her. BFFs of the year for sure.
The girl came back at the end of the movie and the three of them left. They didn't tell anyone there was vomit everywhere, she just left. In her quick getaway, she left her wallet behind. I was a little sad there wasn't $10 inside of it to pay for my movie she ruined, but I got enough joy handing it to the poor kid who had to clean up her mess, and I let him know that she had left her wallet behind, ID and all. I still wonder if she ever went and picked it up.
It wasn't my first time going down on a guy, but I certainly wouldn't have considered myself experienced. The post-Chinese food blow job started out with a lot of gagging and ended up with me vomiting on him, the bed, the floor, and on his clothes. He went home commando and in puke-stained shorts. Needless to say, we haven't hooked up since.