A magnificent horse!A dolphin!
They're smarter than most people I know.A deer!
Free to wander the yard and say hello whenever she likes.A dog, of course!
What a stupid-ass question.I'm not big on pets.A peacock!
Pretty, and elegant.A rooster! Or maybe a turtle!
Or both! Yes, both!Scorpions!
LOTS. OF. SCORPIONS!A cat!
Sleek, lithe, and cuddly...A tiger!
Dude, my own tiger would be AWESOME!
Anything with alcohol!Fruit juice
Especially anything 100% organic.BLOOD!
Preferably that of my enemies.Milk
It's good for you.Champagne
Because I'm worth it.Coffee!
I don't get much chance to sleep.It depends...
...on my mood at the time.Soda
Or energy drinks. Anything with sugar, really.Just give me a good, solid beer.
Anything else is for chumps!Water
Water suits me just fine, thanks.
Romance novelsThe daily horoscope
It's good for a laugh.Guns & Ammo magazineAnything with a strong female characterThe George R. R. Martin Wedding PlannerFantasy novels
Especially ones with lots of elves.Read?
Boorrrrrr-iiiiiiiiinnggg!Calvin & HobbesLiterary classics20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Flappy little bastards!BoredomBeing aloneSpidersDelegationKansasNothing! NOTHING AT ALL!!!
...Well, bunnies.Sealed boxes containing a cat and a poison set to be released upon the radioactive decay of a single atom.Prohibition
AstronomyLunch!Home economicsEye-gouging 101
a.k.a. "metal shop"Health classDating!
What? It's a subject!Physical education
If you can dodge a bazooka, you can dodge a ball!Economics
It's all about the money...Government studiesBiology
Idiots who disrespect me!Getting caught.People who double-park!Clear-cut logging!When I'm looking good and no one compliments me!People who've never even TRIED a pomegranate!Relax, man, it's all good!Questions.People who sing off-key.EVERYTHING!
A vampireA werewolfThe KrakenA succubusThe Lock Ness MonsterTimeA dragonA bansheeThe ever-present threat of nuclear warME!
Which Character From Greek Mythology Are YOU?
The mysterious Three who spin, measure, and cut the threads of life You are patient. Aloof. An enigma. You know things. Things about people. Things about the world. Things about time. And you know that there is no spoon. All that must happen shall happen, with or without help from you, so you are content to let it happen, observing from the wings, and not getting involved. Also, you really, really, really like sewing. Like, a LOT. Read more about The Fates (Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos) in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
God of the Sun, Healing, Prophecy, Truth, Light, Music, Literature, Gelatin Desserts, Archery—look, a freaking lot of stuff, okay? You're an artist. Also, you're an overachiever. Admit it. But that's a good thing! You get things done, and you neither shirk responsibility nor abide those who do. Okay, so sometimes it means you don't really get a lot of free time, but if you don't do this stuff, then who will? Just ease up before you have a heart attack, eh? Read more about Apollo in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
Queen of the Gods. Also Goddess of Women, Childbirth, Marriage, and (for some reason) Peacocks. You're an authority figure, and you're good at it, so let everyone give you the respect that's your due. Stern, no-nonsense, and beautiful, you're not afraid to mete out punishment to those who deserve it. Nothing too harsh, of course, but enough to make sure they learn their lesson. Through your tough love, you'll improve both the world and those in it. ...whether they like it or not. Read more about Hera in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
New King of the Gods. Also God of the Sea, Horses, and Motorcycles You're spontaneous! You're exciting! Of all the words that could be used to describe you, "dull" is not one of them. Your moods, like the ocean (for which you may also have a thing), can change on a whim, but isn't that what moods are for? Besides, when a person loves speed as much as you, you've got to be ready to change direction on a dime! Freedom is one of your most prized possessions. YOUR freedom, that is. People under you? Well they'd just better do what you say, otherwise some bad stuff is about to go down... Read more about Poseidon in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
God of War and Chaos Like the things you value, you're solid, you're strong, and you don't put up with any guff. Granted, you might also be ill-tempered, quick to anger, and dangerous, but no one ever scared off a burglar by being gentle, did they? If things come to blows (and with luck, they will), you're the one everyone wants in their corner, and you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. ...a LOT of eggs, in fact! It's fun to break stuff! Plus nothin' beats a really BIG omelet. Or something. Read more about Ares in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
Those who wreak vengeance (a.k.a. The Furies, The "Kindly Ones", or "Holy Crap, RUN!") Damn. Seriously? Wow, that's some temper you've got on you. The Erinyes were born out of the blood spilled from the castration of Zeus's grandfather, so their perpetual violent crankiness is understandable. What's YOUR excuse? On the plus side, if you can find a career in line with your avenging temperament, you'll be happy for the rest of your life. Try torturer. Or perhaps a job at the DMV. Read more about The Erinyes (Alecto, Megaera, and Tisiphone) in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
God of Wine, Revelry, Frat Parties, and Casinos You're a party animal, and a firm believer that life is meant to be lived as boisterously as possible. Every day is a time to celebrate! If it's not fun, it's not worth doing! Anyone who turns the music up and drops their inhibition like it's hot is your kind of person! That, or you took this test while drunk and forgot to answer some of the questions—but then that makes you rather like Dionysus anyway, so it's all good. Read more about Dionysus in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
Goddess of Love, Beauty, and Lust (and most of the entertainment industry.) Not only are you a champion of love and passion, you're the graceful personification of beauty. Your charm is boundless, your confidence deserved, and your smile can likely stop a train. What's more, everyone knows it. Or, at least, those who aren't deluding themselves know it. But that's okay, it's everyone else's loss if they're too jealous to see how marvelous you are. Read more about Aphrodite in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
God of Messengers, Thieves, Merchants, and Travelers. And maybe Mischief. You love a good joke, especially the practical ones. Sneaky is your middle name, and you take pride in that. Let the others tackle problems head-on; you go for the clever route because you're smart and fast enough to not get caught. Along with all that, you're pretty good-natured, quick with a smile, and fun to be around. Not that you should ever be *trusted*, mind you... Read more about Hermes in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!
Goddess of the Moon, Nature, and Hunting You're a nature lover with a genuinely pleasant personality, though you find refuge in solitude. You don't waffle on decisions once you've made them, which means your loyalty, once earned, is nigh-unbreakable. Also you probably have a thing for werewolves. Read more about Artemis in Zeus Is Dead: A Monstrously Inconvenient Adventure, now available in paperback and ebook!