A magnificent horse!A dolphin!
They're smarter than most people I know.A deer!
Free to wander the yard and say hello whenever she likes.A dog, of course!
What a stupid-ass question.I'm not big on pets.A peacock!
Pretty, and elegant.A rooster! Or maybe a turtle!
Or both! Yes, both!Scorpions!
LOTS. OF. SCORPIONS!A cat!
Sleek, lithe, and cuddly...A tiger!
Dude, my own tiger would be AWESOME!
Anything with alcohol!Fruit juice
Especially anything 100% organic.BLOOD!
Preferably that of my enemies.Milk
It's good for you.Champagne
Because I'm worth it.Coffee!
I don't get much chance to sleep.It depends...
...on my mood at the time.Soda
Or energy drinks. Anything with sugar, really.Just give me a good, solid beer.
Anything else is for chumps!Water
Water suits me just fine, thanks.
Romance novelsThe daily horoscope
It's good for a laugh.Guns & Ammo magazineAnything with a strong female characterThe George R. R. Martin Wedding PlannerFantasy novels
Especially ones with lots of elves.Read?
Boorrrrrr-iiiiiiiiinnggg!Calvin & HobbesLiterary classics20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
Flappy little bastards!BoredomBeing aloneSpidersDelegationKansasNothing! NOTHING AT ALL!!!
...Well, bunnies.Sealed boxes containing a cat and a poison set to be released upon the radioactive decay of a single atom.Prohibition
AstronomyLunch!Home economicsEye-gouging 101
a.k.a. "metal shop"Health classDating!
What? It's a subject!Physical education
If you can dodge a bazooka, you can dodge a ball!Economics
It's all about the money...Government studiesBiology
Idiots who disrespect me!Getting caught.People who double-park!Clear-cut logging!When I'm looking good and no one compliments me!People who've never even TRIED a pomegranate!Relax, man, it's all good!Questions.People who sing off-key.EVERYTHING!
A vampireA werewolfThe KrakenA succubusThe Lock Ness MonsterTimeA dragonA bansheeThe ever-present threat of nuclear warME!