Skip To Content
    Updated on 21 Sep 2020. Posted on 18 Sep 2020

    18 Things My Australian Husband Taught Me, As Told By An American

    There are a few things you should know before you say "I do" to an Aussie.

    1. First up, you should know that when it comes to Aussie men, sports is the number one reason for living.

    LFC TV

    Sure, that probably applies to loads of nationalities, but with Aussie men it just feels like it's on another level. I mean, my husband will watch anything if it's a sport, including the American Little League World Series #truestory.

    2. You should never send food back, ever. And I mean ever.

    BBC

    Unless your plate has a cow head mooing on it and, even then, don’t act like a jumped-up Sheila.

    3. You should listen when he says that everything will try to kill you in Australia.

    Nat Geo Wild

    Spiders, pissed-off kangaroos, jellyfish — Australia is like a theme park filled with a thousand ways to die.

    4. You should be prepared for some serious bushwalking.

    America's Funniest Home Videos

    Bushwalk or horror march? Either way, be prepared to fight off the elements on the weekends and, for the love of all things holy, don't forget mozzie repellent and sunscreen.

    5. You should recognise that thongs are shoes, not underwear, and they are very versatile.

    SNL

    Thongs or flip flops can be be bought in grocery stores, retailers and even vending machines and will be worn to the office, weddings, romantic evenings — the sky's the limit.

    6. You should know that date night will look very different.

    Channel 9

    Don’t expect white tablecloths and mood lighting, but more like a couple tinnies, some fried chicken and a pash on the couch.

    7. You should definitely not believe him when he says Vegemite is a substitute for Nutella.

    FOX

    It's a trap! Vegemite DOES NOT taste like chocolate, no matter what they tell you.

    8. You should get used to being the butt of all his jokes.

    Kim's Convenience

    His favourite love language is making jokes at his partner’s expense. Jokes about you = the highest form of affection.

    9. You should learn that there are nicknames for basically everything.

    CBS

    To communicate with him, just shorten your words and add an ‘o’ to the end, such as arvo (afternoon), avo ('cado), roo (kanga'), smoko (cigarette), servo (serving station).

    10. You should be prepared for shenanigans if he has his mates around him.

    Channel 10

    Reverting into a toddler and drinking heavily, all while challenging his friends to drinking contests or ill-advised dares, is expected. Have 000 on speed dial (the Aussie version of 911).

    11. You should know he is a total coffee snob.

    Showtime

    He will not drink just any swill and be prepared for judgement on your "inadequate" caffeine choices, so prepare to level-up your coffee game.

    12. You should develop a deep and long-lasting love of beer.

    FOX

    To keep him in a chill state, keep beer stocked in the fridge and NEVER buy the cliché beer that Americans think Aussies drink. It's beneath you and he won't like it.

    13. You should dial down your sensitivity.

    BBC

    Bluntness is a part of his charm as he will tell you exactly what he thinks of your friends and driving abilities, but he still loves you — just not your friends or your driving.

    14. You should definitely not expect all Australians to surf.

    NBC

    He was not born with a surfboard, even though he has a collection of boardies for the beach and knows the lingo.

    15. You should know that cricket is a very, VERY long game.

    16. You should embrace being tall — most Aussie men don't need a stepladder to look you in the eyes.

    Netflix

    You can finally enjoy that magical feeling of not being the tallest human in the room. Aussie men are typically tall drinks of water.

    17. You should learn to barbecue pretty much everything.

    Masterchef

    Yes, even shrimp (or "prawns"), but also burgers, hot dogs, steaks, kangaroo meat…really just every kind of meat you can imagine.

    18. And finally, you should just enjoy the ride.

    Lionsgate

    Let's be honest, you must have some pretty good karma if an Australian invites you into their life because not only do you have fun experiences in your future, but also other really great, funny people to meet in his circle. Cue the Dirty Dancing theme song.

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form