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“How To Tour In A Band Or Whatever” By Thor Harris

Thor Harris, the vocalist for Indie Rock band Shearwater must have been having a rough day on the job when he wrote this definitive list on the rules of the road. Sounds like being a rocker is harder than it looks; Just ask Peggy!

  • 1.

  • 2. Dont Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer.

  • 3. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. Goddamn.

  • 4. If you fart, claim it.

  • 5. Dont Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Dont fucking do it. Asshole.

  • 6. Dont fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.

  • 7. If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are you a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most dont.

  • 8. Remember the soundmans name. He will do a better job.

  • 9. Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.

  • 10. Masturbate. Duh... Where & when? Be creative. You're an artist, right?

  • 11. If YOU can't carry your suitcase 3 blocks, its too goddamn big.

  • 12. Respect public space in the van. Dont clutter, you Fuck.

  • 13. If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.

  • 14. Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enough people there, its their fault.

  • 15. Driver picks the music.

  • 16. One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.

  • 17. Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.

  • 18. Dont wander off. Let someone know where you are.

  • 19. Clean up after yourself. What are you& a goddamn toddler?

  • 20. Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So dont make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.

  • 21. Fast food is Poison.

  • 22. The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.

  • 23. Dont evaluate your whole life while you're sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think youre above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.