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23 Things That Happen On Every Australian Family Camping Trip

You'll wish what happened on camp stayed on camp.

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1. You'll discover just how far away you live from any decent camping spots.

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"No, we're not f%^@ing there yet."

2. Someone will inevitably lock the keys in the car.

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The lights and engine may - or may not - still be on.

3. The adults will stop adulting long enough to fight over the best way to put up the tent.

Walt Disney

"The left pole's connected to the... MORON."

4. Someone will trip over a tree root, tent peg or shoelace.

NBC

And everyone else will just pretend they didn't see it happen.

5. The only available toilet will block.

Channel Four Films

And you'll be wishing you were at the site with the drop loo.

6. There'll be an encounter of the ~creepy~ kind.

Fingers crossed this encounter does not include a reaction of the pooping kind.
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Fingers crossed this encounter does not include a reaction of the pooping kind.

7. You'll all eventually chill out, and everyone will talk to each other about all kinds of stuff.

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And for the first time in a long while, the conversations will be had face-to-face, rather than face-to-iPad, and for once, you won't need to rush off to anything else until you're all talked out.

8. The kids will remember that life without electronics is actually bearable.

And the parents will realise just how much washing technology prevents.
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And the parents will realise just how much washing technology prevents.

9. Friendships with complete strangers will be forged.

Walt Disney Productions

Meaning every single kid at the campsite will be besties by sun down.

10. And the kids will at last become the masters of their outdoor domain.

And you'll see a version of them that's even more feral than their bedroom floors.
Metro Goldwyn Mayer Studios Inc.

And you'll see a version of them that's even more feral than their bedroom floors.

11. At least one essential kitchen tool will be left at home.

Minus 100 brownie points if it's the can opener.
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Minus 100 brownie points if it's the can opener.

12. And the food will be served very well... cremated.

"Here's to the fact there are no stores within a 25km radius. Bon appetite, kids!"
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"Here's to the fact there are no stores within a 25km radius. Bon appetite, kids!"

13. Marshmallows will be eaten en masse.

http://giphy.com/gifs/food-dessert-121eoXTNiOB8Tm
http://giphy.com/gifs/food-dessert-121eoXTNiOB8Tm

Whether you'd normally touch them with a ten foot pole or not, you'll be scoffing them down by the burnt half-dozen.

14. But should anyone drop a marshmallow in the fire...

New Regency Pictures

You'll be swiftly reminded that hell hath no fury like a toddler that's lost a sweet.

15. Someone will leave their plate unattended, with dire consequences.

Cartoon Network

"Good bye, sweet sausage."

16. And the mosquitoes will come a callin'.

TED

"How much fun would it be if we forget the insect repellent?" - No Australian ever.

17. Someone will tell an inappropriately frightening ghost story by the fire.

Universal Pictures

And one parent will be forced to sleep in the kid's tent to keep the monsters away.

18. Come winter, the odds of experiencing a tent flood will dramatically increase.

And you'll get more ~creative~ with your camping set-up, or else face total catastrophe.
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And you'll get more ~creative~ with your camping set-up, or else face total catastrophe.

19. The air mattress will slowly deflate.

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And, being the heaviest, you'll keep the kids aloft by pushing all available air their way with your body weight. You'll feel every rock, stick and leaf.

20. Someone will pee in the very same big shared bed.

New Line Cinema

Because, obviously, the alternative of getting up and facing the monsters in the dark bushes was never going to be the chosen option. Duh.

21. Someone at the campsite will get up at 4.32am to verbally abuse the local wildlife for waking them the f%$% up.

Universal Pictures

Can you spell counter-productive-but-ultimately-satisfying?

22. Everyone will average 4.53 hours of sleep.

FOX

By the time you get home, you'll be way too tired to adult.

"Takeaway tonight, kids!"

23. And then there's the not-so-clean getaway.

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And the not-so-expert attempts to get the car un-bogged and outta there.

But next year? Well, there's no way you won't be doing it all over again.

Because nothing bonds a family like a couple of days (and nights) in the great outdoors.
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Because nothing bonds a family like a couple of days (and nights) in the great outdoors.