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20 Ways New York Is Totally Kicking Your Ass

It was always your dream city until the reality of life here hit you like a two-ton taxi at 75mph.

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When you first moved to NYC, you thought you knew what you were getting yourself into.

But then the city started kicking your ass.

20. You have 5 MetroCards and none of them have enough fare.

Also, the vending machine only takes cash.
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Also, the vending machine only takes cash.

19. Speaking of money, all of your friends have more of it than you do.

18. It's impossible to time meet-ups correctly

So you end up killing time at Food Emporium.

So you end up killing time at Food Emporium.

17. You never have an umbrella

Via nynebunnies.tumblr.com

Especially on your way to an important meeting or job interview.

16. You have begun to regard entirely unnecessary items as essential to your well-being.

Sometimes this philosophy contradicts itself.

Sometimes this philosophy contradicts itself.

15. The hotties at your gym judge you.

Because you don't seem to understand that it's not fitness, it's LIFE.

Because you don't seem to understand that it's not fitness, it's LIFE.

14. You often go to the movies alone

Where else is it possible to drink in peace?

Where else is it possible to drink in peace?

13. Your apartment faces a shaft, so

You're oblivious to what the weather actually looks like.

You're oblivious to what the weather actually looks like.

12. You have never been faced with this decision:

Related: what is a Hampton?

11. So you try the public parks instead

And realize you could have just gone to Times Square.

And realize you could have just gone to Times Square.

10. You are unbelievably cranky all the time

Without even realizing it.

Without even realizing it.

9. Not to mention all the beautiful people walking around

Your heart swells every couple of blocks. And then it breaks.

Your heart swells every couple of blocks. And then it breaks.

8. The best restaurants have at least an hour wait

Mid-afternoon on a Tuesday.

Mid-afternoon on a Tuesday.

7. And don't even think about going to the Apple store

Unless you have the week off.

Unless you have the week off.

6. Sometimes finances cause you to choose between drinks and dinner

Inevitably, you make the obvious choice.

5. Which can lead to some pretty strange experiences...

Chelsea Girls, anyone?

Chelsea Girls, anyone?

4. Which, in turn, lead you to ask this:

"I don't know. I guess I have a lot to ponder."

3. In fact, this city often leaves you with more questions than it does answers

Like, where is your street food coming from, and where is it going?

Like, where is your street food coming from, and where is it going?

2. There's so much going on all the time

Which can leave you at a perpetual crossroads.

1. Sometimes it feels like life is one big competition here

And everyone is racing to the finish.

But despite the routine ass-kickings New York gives you, you feel pretty attached to this crazy place

Because the city that kicks your ass all the time is kind of kick-ass.

And who knows, maybe you'll find something here you didn't even know you were looking for

Or someone you could not have met any other way...

And your shaft above the pizza place is really starting to feel like home.

Yep, New York has everything. Including you. So go wrap yourself in its smelly brick embrace.

Because it's impossible not to be an optimist here.

Because it's impossible not to be an optimist here.

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